


When Yama Met Tsukki

by Rossie_H



Series: Protect Me and I Protect You [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abandonment, Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Homeless, Anal Sex, Anger, Anger Management, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bad Parents, Best Friends, Blood, Blood and Injury, Body Dysphoria, Broken Bones, Bullying, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Cute, Domestic Violence, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Family, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Foster Care, Friends to Lovers, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lots of Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Maybe sex, Mental Health Issues, Minor Injuries, Orphans, Pain, Physical Abuse, Prequel, Protective Boyfriend, Protectiveness, Romance, Sex, Shelters, Slow Burn, Smut, Timelines, Triggers, Violence, Volleyball, do not fuck with tsukki, no one dies, probably sex, supportive, therapist, you good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-12 15:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13549800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rossie_H/pseuds/Rossie_H
Summary: Prequel to my story, Protect me and I Protect you, featuring the meeting of Tsukki and Yamaguchi! <3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi lovelies! 
> 
> Welcome back. If you already read Protect Me and I Protect You then you knew this prequel was coming and I'm so excited for you guys to read it. I am having a ball making up their worlds and back stories and I hope you guys will like reading them as much as I enjoy creating them!
> 
> Just some notes for you guys:  
> Again, this is a prequel piece to my first story about Suga and Daichi! This is before that story takes place when Tsukki and Yama first meet. All of the characters from that first story are in here as well, they just show up and pop up when needed. If you didn't read the first story, that's okay but I guess it kind of reads better if you did read the first story, some of the small hints dropped throughout may not make sense without Protect Me and I Protect You, just as a warning! 
> 
> (They will get their own pieces as well, no worries) 
> 
> My Tsukki is very different from the anime's Tsukki but that's the fun of fan fiction!
> 
> I have the first 3 chapters written already (which I'm posting) and I'm aiming for maybe six chapters all together so I'll try to get the second part of this out by next week (fingers crossed). I'm not sure if there will be 2 or 3 parts but there will be no more than 3 for sure! 
> 
> Okay, I love you guys, thank you for reading and...yeah. Here you go, hope you like it! <3

He’s twelve and it’s pitch black, the songs of midnight beetles singing as he sniffles and hides his eyes into the crook of his elbow. Yamaguchi had always hated the dark, what little kid didn’t, but tonight it was different. It was loud, the dark, yelling at him, taunting him and Yama could feel the bones beneath his skin shivering.

Why was he here? Why was he so stupid as to believe the words of the same kids that had been bullying him for years? Why was he so pathetic….

Yama cries a little harder and rattles the cuffs locked around his wrists, the sound of metal on metal as he tries to wiggle free like something out of a B-Horror film.

_“My dad is a cop, he let me borrow these,” Yuri had told him. “Wanna try them on? We’ve all done it!”_

_First red flag. His father was not a cop._

_Yama stares at the shiny, heavy cuffs with awe. He loved crime stories, they were his favorite genre to read, to write, to get lost within. Reading crime novels made him feel like a detective, made him feel smart but right now...he knew he was being anything but smart as he smiles and nods, holding out his hands._

_The two boys behind Yuri, Johnny and Timur, chuckle, punching each other with tiny balled fists and Yama knows that this is the next red flag but he’s too excited. Handcuffs, cops, rebellion, at this moment he was apart of it all and he was thrilled….daring even._

_Yuri smiles then and slaps one cuff around Yama’s left wrist._

_It’s tight._

_It hurts._

_Then Timur and Johnny sprint for him, holding Yama’s arms behind his back as they drag him to the playground. Yama is confused, but nervously giggles to ty to act tougher than he is. They drag him, closer, closer until they reach the monkey bars and around the largest pole, the three poles rope him around and cuff Yama’s other wrist, locking him to the pole and all confidence Yamaguchi had vanishes as he stares at the cuffs._

_Locked. Tight. Painful._

_He looks up at Yuri, the boy cross-armed and grinning, and tries to control the pout hanging from his bottom lip._

_“What’s with the puppy eyes?” hisses Yuri. “I’m only putting you where you belong! Locked up, like the mutt that you are!”_

_All three boys laugh. Yama bows his head._

_His life story was no secret, it never had been. He was the baby abandoned at the station, the golden child, the mystery kid! When Yamaguchi was found twelve years ago, left at that police station, he was an instant New York Headline Sensation, a thing of wonder and confusion and disgust. But that didn’t stop the system from turning him into what every other parentless child in the system was: an orphan, a piece of property, a nobody with no one and nothing to his name._

_But Yamaguchi was surviving, living, keeping up with school and his studies and activities, just like he had always promised himself that he would. He wouldn’t be some drop out orphan, he wouldn't waste his life just because some low life decided he wasn’t worth the time to take care of. No, he was determined to make something for himself. But until then, he knew he was destined to bounce from home to home, shelter to shelter, just buying his time until he was eighteen._

_But until then….he was here, handcuffed to a pole on a playground in the middle of Central Park in September and he wants to die._

_Yuri kicks at the sawdust, splashing wood chips into Yama’s face before all three boys laugh once more, applauding themselves, and then grab their small flashlights and leave._

_They leave._

They leave him alone and now, an hour later, the loudness of the dark is almost piercing, suffocating but he knows that he only has himself to blame for being so trusting….always, too trusting. And so Yama only drops his head into his arm and cries, falling asleep to the sound of his sniffling and the midnight beetles that kindly stay to keep him company.

***

There’s a hand on his shoulder. _How long was he asleep for?_

Like a bucket of cold water, reality slaps him and Yama jolts awake beneath the cuffs but the boy above him doesn’t waver, doesn’t twitch or flinch or cower. No, his face, stone cold and solid, straight, beautiful, only stares down at Yama with a baffled expression, which he can only read from the width of the boys eyes as he stares at the handcuffs.

Yama is shaking, eyes locked with the tall, skinny boy who stands above him. The boy is blonde, ashy blonde, his hair disheveled and hectic atop his head but it’s his cheekbones that catch Yama’s attention; knives carved into the hollowed lines of the boys cheeks and again, the word beautiful floats back into his mind as they continue to glare at each other. The glare isn’t dangerous or hazardous but simply watchful, curious, and maybe more on Yamaguchi’s part but….awe-struck.

The tall boy swallows and scratches at the back of his long neck before kneeling before Yama. His knees pop. Yama, out of protection for himself, inches away.

The boy lifts his hands in surrender. Once Yama settles, he clears his throat. “Are you a criminal?”

Yama takes a second to process the question. “Um...no, no. I’m not.”

“You’re handcuffed.”

“Um, well, yes.”

The boy’s thin eyebrows lift. His face is still solid and a little cold. “Only criminals wear handcuffs.”

Yama wants to laugh at his naive statement. This boy has not walked the streets of New York alone at night. He would know handcuffs are for many types of people if he had.

“I’m not a criminal.”

“A criminal would say that.”

_Jesus, okay, he may be beautiful, but stubborn for sure._

“What about you? What are you doing in the middle of Central Park at night, huh?”

The boy only shrugs. “I’m taking a walk.”

Yama can only roll his eyes at the brush off.

“Are you twelve?”

Yamaguchi nods.

" _I'm_ twelve.”

He nods again.

“If you’re not a criminal,” he says, reaching out and tugging on the handcuffs. Yama winces from the pain and the boy immediately draws back. “Why are you here?”

Yama looks away and blinks away the tears coming to his eyes. “Because I was stupid.”

“I don’t-”

“I was stupid, alright? I was stupid and wanted to believe that maybe I could make friends but instead...I’m here.”

The boy’s stretched lips finally reveal his shock as they part and shiver. “You...someone did this to you, on purpose?”

Yamaguchi nods.

“I’ll help you,” says the boy as he drops to his knees and pulls the backpack off from his shoulders. Yama watches the boy dig through slim books about dinosaurs and science and Yama smiles to himself before the boy finally pulls out a small pocket knife.

Yama panics. “H-Hey!”

“It’s only a swiss army knife, settle down,” the kid coos, switching through all the different options before he comes to something that looks like a slim pole. He moves, crawling until his chest is pressed up against Yama’s side, poking at the lock on the cuffs and Yama can’t help but examine the boys smell.

It’s chocolate but not a sweet smell. Dark chocolate, maybe something with sea-salt and caramel but it’s bitter. Yama knows that smell distinctly, he’s been tossed around from one drunk foster father to the next, he knows the smell of beer.

But why would a twelve year old smell like beer and dark chocolate?

His traveling thoughts are halted by the sound of the lock clicking and the boys skinny fingers reach down to peel off the cuffs. Yama sighs as they fall to the ground. His arms drop from exhaustion as he sighs and leans against the pole. The metal is cold and it feels amazing against the nervous sweat painted on his cheeks and forehead. Tsukki’s hasn’t moved, his hand rested on Yamaguchi’s shoulder while Yama catches his breath, relaxing, and Yama can tell that the boy is acting far different than before; not as cold, or scrutinizing.  

Yama finally looks up, up into eyes of golden hazelnut and something in both of them twitches, Yamaguchi can see it, feel it; the flinch in the tall boys brow as their eyes connect, the heat flooding his cheeks, the tightening of his hand on Yama’s shoulder. Yama swallows and forces himself to look away, afraid he may go blind from just how stunning the boy is.Then the tall boy is standing, dragging Yama to his feet. He’s been kneeling for hours, his knees give way as he gets to his feet and he tumbles over dramatically into the boys chest, whimpering.

The boy's arms wrap tightly around his waist. It’s comfortable, _he’s_ comfortable.

Yama feels safer than he ever has before in his entire life.

The boy scoffs. “It’s alright, I got ya,” he speaks flatly but still, the words churn something hot in Yamaguchi.

Yama looks up and grins. “T-Thank you,” he says, slowly peeling away from the boy and both of then shuffle awkwardly at the strange situation. “My name...it’s Yamaguchi.”

Finally, the boy’s lips fail him and a small sideways grin washes between his cheeks. “Japan?”

He doesn’t know. “I...I don’t know.”

The boy only nods. He doesn’t prod. Yama appreciates it. “Well, I am. I was, we moved here when I was seven.”

Yama nods.

“I’m Tsukishima.”

Yama smiles and he can see that the boy is taken back. It makes Yama blush. “It….cold, maybe we should-”

“Where do you go to school?”

Yama wraps his arms around himself, rubbing still at his raw wrists. “The elementary school, on Jefferson.”

“Are you kidding? Me too. How come-”

“I keep to myself,” he swallows.

He only goes when his health allows him, or when he’s not being transported to another foster home.

 _Only six more years_ , he thinks to himself.

Tsukishima looks puzzled, looks as if he’d like to ask more questions. But it’s like Tsukishima has known Yama all of his life and so he doesn’t push any further, he doesn’t try to make Yama any more uncomfortable than he already is.

“Well, whoever it is that did this to you, if they try to do it again...find me.”

Yama’s lips part. “Y-Yeah, yeah. I will.”

Tsukishima takes a step forward then and lifts one of Yama’s wrists. He looks at the wounds then back to Yama. “Clean these before you go to sleep.” Yama nods. “Good.” He drops Yama’s wrists. “It was nice meeting ya, Yamaguchi,” he says as the boy salutes and then spins on the balls of his heels, back towards the sidewalk.

But before he can vanish, Yama finds his voice. “Yama!”

The boy stops and turns back slowly to face Yamaguchi. “What?”

“You can call me Yama.”

The boy think it over for a second then holds up a thumb. “Yama, it is.”

He salutes again, turns back and that’s the last time Yamaguchi sees Tsukishima for another three years.

***

**THREE YEARS LATER**

 

It was the last day of his last year as a middle schooler. In only four months, Yamaguchi would be a freshman in high school, going to one of the best schools known in the city for Volleyball and he couldn’t wait.

He couldn’t wait to start somewhere new, somewhere away from the eyes of all the stupid kids he had come to know and grow only slightly taller than over the past three years while in school. Yuri, Johnny and Timur sat only a few rows behind him now on the stage where they sat, waiting to get their pointless, middle school diploma’s. Yamaguchi never understood it, middle school diplomas. High school mattered, yes. College mattered, of course, but middle school?

He just didn’t see the need.

But today served a different purpose. He was only here today for one reason.

The principle reads through the names of the adolescent graduates and Yamaguchi waits, listening closely for the moment he had been waiting for for three years now. Jefferson middle was not a small elementary school, you know, the kind like you see in the movies. In his grade alone, there were over 2,000 kids, almost 3,000 and with all the grades combined, in the entire school altogether, there were almost 10,000 kids. So, as strange as it sounds, he never found it too odd that over the past three years, he never again, not once, saw Tsukishima again.

But today was the day. Tsukishima’s name would be read before his own, he assumed, that was if Tsukishima was even his real name...or if he was even a real person at all. Some small part of Yama had always maybe believed that he had possibly made up the events of that night in the park. Not all of it of course, no, the handcuffs had been very real but Tsukki? He had been more like a perfect dream, a guardian angel, maybe?

But three years had passed and never, not one day, did he not think of Tsukishima. He searched, he went back to the park, walked it at night, even close to the playground (a sad, silly fear of his) and never once did they cross paths again.

But today, if any, would be the day.

The principle continues to drag on:

**Yuri Christian**

**Patrick Dowser**

**Tobio Kageyama**

**Amanda Edmond**

**Sarah Hamilton**

**Timur Jackson**

**Hinata Shouyou**

**Johnny Pinkman**

**And finally….**

_Tsukki._

“Tsukishima Kei,” calls the principle and Yamaguchi is on his feet, searching, eyeing the crowd until finally, a tall, _very tall_ , lengthy body shuffles into the aisle and right past him blows that same, familiar smell he couldn't forget even if he wanted to: dark chocolate and beer and Yama falls back into his seat as he watches Tsukishima make his way to the podium.

Tsukishima shakes hands with the principle, barely smiling and turns back to get his picture taken. He’s just as stunning and stonewalled as Yama remembers. He’s much taller, shoulders broad and massive, expanding and his legs beneath him are sturdy. His hair, that same ashy blonde, is combed back and it somehow looks strange on him but not bad just not what he remembers and it makes Yama smile.

He watches Tsukishima closely, eyeing his every move, desperate to get his attention as he makes his way back to his seat and it works.

 _Oh, it works_ , because dead center in the middle of the aisle, Tsukishima catches Yama’s eye and he freezes, arms falling to his side as Tsukishima’s lips part and his eyes, hidden behind thick framed glasses, widen inside of his skull. Yama wants to cry at the fact that he’s real and that he obviously remembers Yamaguchi but before he can do anything or even dare to speak, the principle is calling the next name and it snaps Tsukishima back to reality, dragging his feet as he tears his eyes away from Yama to go back to his seat.

Yama follows Tsukki with his eyes until his neck can turn no further and finally slumps deep into his seat, ignoring the odd glances from the kids who sit around him. He could care less about them, about anything, about any worry or care in the word.

Tsukishima was real and he was here and he remembers Yama.

He smiles and drowns in his happiness until the ceremony concludes.

An hour and a half later, the damn ceremony finally ends and Yama is running, pushing past kids, past Yuri and Johnny and Timur because at the moment, no one matters but Tsukishima. He rips off the stupid graduation cap, allowing it to be trampled by small feet, searching and straining through the hordes of middle schoolers. He had to find him, he finally found him, he couldn’t lose him again.

He makes his way outside, submerged in a large crowd of smiling parents taking pictures and kids acting foolish for their cameras and just as he’s about to open his mouth to try calling for him, a hard squeeze grabs onto his bony shoulder and he spins to find Tsukishima towering above him, eyes piercing down into Yama’s. His eyes are just as golden and breathtaking as Yama remembers. His body is leaner now too, not as loose and stretched out and his skin isn’t as pale. They’re in a trance, glued together in their own personal bubble and it’s only when Tsukki shuffles his feet does he realize how close they are….and that Tsukishima’s hand is resting against his neck.

Yama is breathing….heavy, and his heart is drumming against the rattling bones of his rib cage. He swallows and eyes the hand Tsukki holds against his neck. That draws Tsukki away and Yama slaps himself mentally for ruining the moment. But Tsukishima doesn’t move far. In fact he steps closer and Yamaguchi has to take a deep breathe.

“I found you,” he whispers and Yama could bet money that he was no longer breathing.

“Y-You’ve been looking for me…”

Tsukki pants and his chest, large, engrossed, incredible, pushes up against Yama’s. “Everyday.” Yama shakes his head and cracks a shocked grin before dropping his head. But it doesn’t hang for long as he feels soft but calloused fingers gently lift his chin and now, he’s staring back at Tsukishima. “Tadashi.”

“What?”

“You’re name...you never told me it was Tadashi-”

“I just….I never really liked my name. Yamaguchi always sounded better.” Yama allows himself to lean gently into Tsukki’s hold, into his flesh, into his touch. “Kei, huh?”

Tsukki grins. It seems like maybe it’s an easier motion for him now than it was back then. He’s relaxed, still stoic but relaxed. Yama is gripping tightly onto the front of Tsukki’s polo, terrified to let go and lose him again. Tsukki breaks the silence and gasps, then digs deep into his pocket and pulls out a phone. “I-I need your number.”

Yama feels pathetic. Like hell he could afford a phone yet, he lived in a damn homeless shelter for Christs Sakes. “I….don’t have one.”

Tsukki looks baffled. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah-”

“Well, where are you going to high school? I….” he pauses and inches closer. Now Yama really can’t breathe. “I found you, I want to stay in touch.”

Yama smiles, blushing dangerously. “I’m going to Karasuno, they have a great-”

“Volleyball program.”

Okay. Yama has officially died. “Yeah? What, you...play?”

“Everyday for the past three years. I had to join a sport in middle school, I’m assuming you did too. But I hated the team here at school so my brother found me a team at the YMCA. It’s decent, they have great coaches.”

“I played here,” whispers Yama. “I love it.”

Tsukki’s smile is wide and….fuck, breathtaking. “What position?”

“Well...to be honest, as much as I love the game, I’m not too great. I really only applaud myself where my serves are involved.”

“So you’re a server?”

Yama nods.

“Yama, that’s awesome!”

It’s the first time he’s said his name and Yama is tossed backwards a bit by how lovely it sounds coming from Tsukishima again. “I’m guessing your a net blocker?”

Tsukki blushes and it’s adorable. “What gave it away?”

Yama giggles and Tsukki watches intently. Yama goes to his tiptoes, still inches away from the top of Tsukki’s head. “I’m not sure, maybe the height was the giveaway.”

“Ah, I see.”

They stand together, close, basking in the warm and comfortable silence that hovers between them. Yama is still clutching Tsukki’s shirt. He wants to rest his head against his chest, wants to be closer to him. “I missed you, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima chuckles above him. “Tsukki?”

Yama stands back up and covers his face. “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s uh...well-”

“I like it. It’s easier, I guess, huh?” Yama nods slightly. Tsukki runs his slender fingers through Yama’s hair. “Well then, Yama with no phone,” he jokes and Yama rolls his eyes. “Do you have plans right now? Because this ceremony was pointless and I need pizza. I know a great shop, if you’d like to join me?”

His brain was exploding beneath his skull. He can barely fathom a head nod but he does and Tsukki smiles into his teeth.

Okay, maybe the ceremony was all that pointless after all.

***

“This pizza is….”

“To die for, right? I know. It’s the best in Manhattan if you ask me.”

“Deep dish in New York though?”

“Yeah but they take it to a whole new level. Wanted to prove they knew pizza better than Chicago!”

Yama giggles as he wipes the grease off his face. “Well, I think they won.”

He takes another bite. Another, trying to remember the last time he ate something so….homemade. He drowns in the flavors, the cheese melting against his tongue, the burn of the pepperoni, the sausage, the dough taped to the roof of his mouth. He was so used to pre-packaged meals; meatloaf in a box, rice, dry chicken, foggy water but never greasy, cheesy, protein packed pizza. He savors each bite, not thinking about how in the world he’s going to pay for it.

“So,” Tsukki interrupts his thoughts. “It's been three years. Catch me up.”

“Well, I already told you, I play volleyball-”

“Yeah, and that’s one bit of information. I want to know more, it’s not like we really gotta talk that night at all.”

Yeah, Yama is very aware. He’s kicked himself at least three times a day for not keeping Tsukki around longer that night in the park.

“Well, I like to read.”

Tsukki chuckles. “Yeah, I could have guessed that from the sack of torn up books in your bag,” Tsukki points to the large duffle by Yama’s side. “What do you like to read?”

Yama beams at this question. It’s not one he’s asked often. “Well, my favorite genre is crime novels. They make me feel smart, you know, when I can guess who the killer is.”

Tsukki bites at his lip as his smile grows. “Keep going, I’m fascinated!”

“N-No, I’m talking too much.”

“Yama, I can’t get you to talk _enough_. Please, I...I missed you. I missed to chance to learn who you are, I wanna know who you are.” Yama is blushing again, to the point where it’s almost painful. “Please, keep going.”

“Well, history. I like history, so historical fiction is always fun.”

“How many books do you read a week?”

“Hmm, if I’m lucky enough, maybe four.”

Tsukki’s lips part. “Four books a week?”

“Y-Yeah? Is that weird?”

“It’s….impressive.” They both laugh. “What else? How was school for you?” Yama freezes, the air around them slightly heavier. “Yama?” He thinks of Yuri and Johnny holding his head under the water in the bathroom. He thinks of all the times he was locked in the closet in the gym. “Yama, did that situation...did it get any better?”   

Yama wants to lie and say yes but to Tsukki, how could he ever lie to Tsukki? “No….not really.”

Tsukki leans forward. “What? Are you joking?” he growls. Yama points to the freckles on his face. “Freckles? Yeah, they’re perfect, what about em’?”

Yama is hot, burning up as he drowns in the word Tsukki just spoke. “Perfect?”

“Yes, Yamaguchi. Perfect. What, did those assholes say otherwise?” Yama drops his head. There’s a warm hand on his arm and he jumps. “Yama, are they still hurting you?” Yamaguchi stays quiet. “What the hell, I told you to find me-”

“I tried!” he yells, covering his mouth with both his hands. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Tsukki shovels his hands through his hair. “I wanted to be there for you...I had no idea, I never saw you again.”

“It’s fine, Tsukki.”

There’s a pause. “Why didn’t you fight back?”

Yama scoffs. “Please, and go up against Yuri Christian, the golden child of one of the biggest clothing designers in New York? Not me, not the mutt,” he mutters.

“Wait, Yuri? He’s the one….what about Johnny and Timur? Them too-”

“Okay, how do you see them but never me!”

“Yama, that’s beside the point. I know those guys….I….” he coils his hands into rocks solid fists and Yama watches him carefully. “Son of a bitch, those...bastards.”

“Tsukki, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. How could I have never noticed?”

“It’s been a weird three years, yeah?”

Tsukki just shakes his head, biting hard at the insides of his cheeks. He looks back to Yama. “Why did you call yourself that?”

“Call myself what?

“The mutt?”

Okay, he must be fucking with Yama. There’s no way he didn’t know, Yama had just always assumed that Tsukki was simply not mentioning the fact that Yama was a New York Orphan story sensation out of kindness of their friendship. He assumed everyone in New York knew but...

“Come on, really?”

“What?”

“Like you honestly don’t know?”  

“Yama, what are you talking about?”

_He...doesn’t know._

_He doesn’t know about the headlines, about the nickname, about why Yuri had chained him to that pole that night in Central Park._

_He doesn’t know who Yama is…._

Yama refuses to let him find out. He pulls out his paper made wallet and tosses three bucks on the table. “I’m sorry, it’s all I have,” he says, moving from the booth.

Tsukki is moving too. “Wait, wait! What’s happening, where are you going?”

“I’m leaving. I’m sorry I don’t have more money to give you-”

“Yama!” There’s a hand on his arm as he hauls into Tsukki’s chest. Tsukki peer down into him, brushing away the messy strains of Yama’s hair out of his watery eyes. “Yama, hey. Let me in, keep me close, please, I’ve been looking for you for three years!”

“No, no! I...you can’t now. You can’t, I can’t do this…”

He tries to pull away but Tsukki is strong, far stronger than he is and he pulls Yama back to him. “Please, at least tell me where I can find you?”

“Nowhere, you can find me nowhere-”

“Tadashi, please!”

That’s the last straw. He pulls away and now, they’re at a standstill, huffing and glaring at each other. Yama sniffles and wipes at his nose with the back of his sleeve. “I’ll...see you in four months.”

Then he spins and hurries off, running from the pizza shop and leaving Tsukki in the dust behind him, crying until he falls into his cot back at the homeless shelter.

***

Tsukki shuffles into the kitchen, book bag hung over his left shoulder. He’s exhausted, from chasing after Yama, from begging, from calling his name. He’s exhausted from searching and then getting his hopes up only to have them squashed again in an instant.

It’s dark now, late, so he doesn’t expect to find his mother still in the kitchen cooking. It smells like lasagna and that at least makes him perk up a bit. He walks up behind her after throwing his book bag on the table.

He kisses her cheek. “Hey, Ma.”

“Kei,” she sings, kissing him back. “You’re back late.”

“I got held up with some friends, sorry I didn’t call you.”

“You’re fine, sweetheart.”

It’s too quiet in the house. “Where’s dad?”

She sighs. “He’s...still out.”

“With Rich?”

“Kei,” she warns.

“What?” he says, grabbing a small tomato off the cutting board and falling into a chair at the table. “It’s more like common knowledge now rather than a guess.”

“He’s still your father. We don’t make assumptions-”

“Did you get a call today?”

He needed to change the subject, the topic of his father only made his blood boil but as soon as he speaks, he regrets his topic of choice.

His mom stills and the sound of her voice cracking kills Tsukki. “No.”

Tsukki sighs. “Ma, I’m sorry-”

“I know you miss him,” she whispers.

“Of course I do,” he says, leaning against his arm on the table.

“He’ll be home for Christmas, I’m sure of it.”

Tsukki was not sure of it. Not at all.

There’s a loud pound as the front door is slammed open and shut and his mother jumps, yelping, dropping the knife on the floor. Tomato sauces spills on the tiles and Tsukki sprints to grab a paper towel before his father walks in and sees-

“What the fuck, Kathleen…”

Tsukki is on his hands and knees, about to wipe up the mess. His teeth are clenched. His fists are balled beneath him.

He’s ready.

“I...you scared me, I dropped the knife-”

“Get that shit cleaned up,” he growls, walking over to Tsukki’s mother. He pulls her into his chest and grabs her chin forcefully. He kisses her, heard and Tsukki forces himself to look away but only until they stop and then his eyes are back on his mother. His father looks down at him. “Did I fucking stutter, get that shit cleaned up, you son of a bitch-”

“Rin, please-”

His father spins to Tsukki’s mother and slaps her hard and Tsukki screams as he leaps to his feet and charges him but his father is larger and faster than he is.

He spins and punches Tsukki in the mouth.

His mother screams.

Tsukki falls to the floor, right into the tomato sauce.

“That’s what I thought,” mutters his father as he grumbles and stomps from the kitchen. “I’m starving, hurry the fuck up.”

Tsukki looks up at his mother whose cheek is now bruised and whose eyes are wet with tears. He forces himself to smile up at her. She only sniffles and helps him to his feet. He hugs her and she bugs him back.

Tsukki closes his eyes as they hug.

Maybe Yama was right to run from him.

* * *

**TWO**

 

**FOUR MONTH LATER**

**2011**

His first day of high school started just as Yama had always expected. He’s in the lunch room, alone at a corner table in a room filled with kids who already know their place in this school, kids who already have their groups to fall back on.

He wonders what group Tsukki is in.

Tsukki was all he had thought about all summer. He had gone back to that pizza shop a dozen times, always trying to look for Tsukki, to apologize but he was never there. Their paths never crossed and Yama was beginning to think that maybe their paths weren’t as entwined as he would have hoped them to be.

He picks at the squashed mashed potatoes on his plate, tugging at the tight collar on his flannel, right as someone above him clears their throat and without even looking up, he knows that it’s Tsukki. His eyes pan upwards to meet those beautiful golden eyes he’s missed so much over the past three months and by some miracle...Tsukki is even taller, even broader, even toner...and Yama is done for.

“T-Tsukki...”

Tsukki ignores him as he sits across the small table from Yama silently, going about rearranging the food on his tray. He doesn’t look at Yama but Yama doesn’t stop looking at him. This silence is not like the comfortable silence he was familiar with when Tsukki was around. This one was stuffy, awkward and Yama hated it because it was all his fault that they were like this now.

Minutes pass until Tsukki looks up. “It _is_ okay for me to sit here right? You’re not going to bolt again?”

Yama swallows and looks away. “No. I won’t.”

Tsukki nods.

Yama takes a bite of his potatoes.

“How was your summer?”

Yama looks to him. “Long. Yours?”

“I worked all summer. So, long.” There’s a pause. “You’re going to tryouts tonight, right?”

Volleyball. Yes, he was. “Y-Yeah.”

“Good.”

Yama, beside himself, smiles trying to ignore the awkwardness. “I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be there.”

Yama sighs and finally look directly at his friend. “Tsukki-”

“I’m here now.” That shuts Yama up. Tsukki is gripping his tray so tightly, Yama can hear the bending whining. “You can run from me, try to hide things from me, you can ever hate me if you want but I’m here now. I found you and I’m here and I’m not going anywhere and I swear to god, I will make sure you are safe.”

Yama can’t breathe properly. Tsukki pushes his tray aside and reaches across the table for Yama’s hand and Tadashi, surprisingly, allows him to take it. “Tsukki, I’m okay-”

“Yeah, and you’re going to stay that way. I...you can’t run...I don’t think I can handle it.”

Yama tilts his head and watches Tsukki’s every move. “Can’t handle what?”

“I can’t handle….watching you walk away from me again.”

Tsukki squeezes Yama’s hand and it takes everything inside of him not to lean down and kiss Tsukki's hand, to kiss him everywhere...to kiss him….

_To kiss him?_

To kiss him, yes, Yama has always wanted to kiss him.

But he swallows back those emotions, those thoughts that terrify him, as Tsukki squeezes his hand once more and goes back to devouring his food. And Yama follows in pursuit.

At least these mashed potatoes are free of bugs.

***

It’s the last class of the day. He’s in the gym locker room, slipping into his practice clothes. Today were the tryouts for joining the volleyball team and Yama wasn’t lying when he said that he was nervous. He looks in the mirror, at his freckles, at his face, at his skinny arms and legs.

He thinks of Tsukki, of his height and his build and his muscles….he’s probably an amazing volleyball player, packed with speed and height and stamina and Yama...well, he could serve. He could always serve, serves that always gained whatever team he played on a point. He wasn’t proud of much about his life, or himself, but he was proud of his serves.

He leans down and splashes water onto his cheeks when the door behind him swings open and in runs a short kid with bright, no, _NEON_ orange hair, bouncing atop of his head as he walks in dancing, headphones plugged into his ears. He’s singing, out of breath from running as it seems, some upbeat song, probably Andy Grammer if Yama can hear the tune right and he smiles, pushing aside his nerves.

The kid doesn't notice him as he walks over to a locker and starts to undress, still plugged into his music.

_There’s no way this kid is trying out for volleyball, right?_

Then right after runs in another kid. Midnight black hair, tall, almost as tall as Tsukki and almost as handsome. _Almost_ , but he’s a bit scarier than Tsukki. His eyes wash over to Yama.

Okay, no, he’s far scarier than Tsukki. _Holy shit._

Those charcoal eyes then wash over to the orange haired kid as the tall boy growls and walks over to the locker. He slams his fists against the metal and both Yama and the kid jump.

The kids pulls his headphones out. “HA! I beat you!”

“You cheated, dumbass,” the tall boy growls, inching closer to the kid. Yama feels like maybe he should do something but…

“What, I wouldn’t have taken the _King of the Court_ to be such a sore loser!” he chirps and Yama is impressed by how well this kid can hold his own.

The kid cringes at the nickname. “Again. You cheated. That doesn’t make me a sore loser, that only makes me feel like the bigger and better person.”

The kid scoffs. “Well, you definitely got the bigger part right,” coos the kid and the tall one only growls before opening a locker next to the orange haired kid to start undressing.

They do this for a moment before the tall one looks back at Yama. “Who are you?”

He shakes. “Um...Yamaguchi.”

The orange haired kid spins in his sneakers. “Are you trying out for the team too?”

Yama grins and scratches at the back of his neck.”Y-Yeah.”

“Huh,” scoffs the tall boy. “That’s surprising.”

The orange haired kid slaps him, hard. “You ass, be nice, Tobio!”

“My name is _Kageyama_ , idiot.”

“Yeah, well, it’s also Tobio, stupid!”

“Jesus, you two are annoying.”

Yama spins to match eyes with Tsukki. “Tsukki,” he whispers and it shouldn’t be shock that Tsukki is already looking at him, smiling softly, nothing like he’s used to and Yama gets the idea that it’s not an often occurrence for Tsukki to smile. That makes him feel special and he can tell that he’s blushing so Yama turns back to the sink to dry off his face.

“I’m Hinata, by the way!” chirps the orange haired boy behind him. Yama waves at him in the mirror. Nice kid, he likes this one. “This is Tobio-”

“Kageyama-”

“-He’s a setter.”

“Yeah, I know all about you, _King_ ,” slurs Tsukki and Yama looks to him. “Why aren’t you at Shiratorizawa with, what’s his name, Ushijima something?”

“Wakatoshi. Wakatoshi Ushijima,” speaks Kageyama and both Yama and Hinata fall silent as they watch the boys expression drop serious. “I didn’t get in.”

Hinata looks sideways at him. “Tobio, you didn’t tell me that.”

“Of course I didn’t, dumbass. Why would I?”

“You tell me everything!”

“You know, Hinata, out of experience, I can tell you some things are just harder to admit then others,” Yama shrugs and the burning glare that Tsukki is shooting his way is almost painful.

Hinata looks to Yama, smiling. Tobio looks at him and winks and the unease Yama felt about the kid before completely vanishes.

“I really do hate to interrupt the moment but have any of you checked the time?” interrupts Tsukki.

Yama looks to his watch.

All four of them sprint from the locker room in a haste.

***

The lineup goes as follows; Tsukki, Yama, Tobio and Hinata and for a school know for their Volleyball team, Yama is surprised to see that there are only four of them trying out. Everyone on the team that stands before them is only a year older, maybe two my fuck, Yama is intimidated beyond comprehension.

The Captain, a tall guy already, handsome, wears a head full of shaved hair. His cheekbones are dented deep and carved to perfection, his nose angled and slanted up. His hands, which Yama can’t seem to stop staring at are literal rocks, skin dry and rough around the edges and his arms are veiny and prominent. His built is gigantic, towering almost but in a different fashion when compared to Tsukki and Tobio; they’re stretched, Daichi is just... _huge_.

 _Wing Spiker_ , he calls it.  

The man next to him, Sugawara, is much more feminine than Daichi and...damn, gorgeous from head to toe. He sports almost lavender, silver locks, locks that lay against his eyebrows flawless and his eyes, squinted and small but breathtakingly hazel, are direct but gentle. He’s shorter than Daichi, by a good few feet, but the way they stand together, look together, the power that connects the two is obvious and striking, intimidating.

_He’s the Setter. Tobio has competition._

The next one his eyes go to is not just massive but...Godzilla like, and if it wasn’t for Asahi’s posture, the gentle smile, the warm eyes, the nervous gestures, Yama would be absolutely terrified. But his actions give the big guy away. He’s handsome, innocent, which is almost comical, draped in long dark brown hair and beaded eyes. Beside him stands a smaller boy, Noya, caramel hair, very small….smaller than Hinata, possibly, and the two of them are... _connected_ , hands entwined and it’s...surprising, the blunt show of affection between them, the radiance.

_Wing Spiker, Ace, maybe and...Libero._

Down the line is a bald boy, stern but it’s clear to Yama that it’s a facade. He’s seen the type all too many times while being in the system; the act that guys put off to seem far more intimidating than they actually are. But this guy, Tanaka, he holds it well, in a way that Yama can respect.

_Wing Spiker._

Beside him stands the Myth, the man, the legend himself….Oikawa Tooru. Anyone who plays Volleyball knows who he is and in person, he’s just as intimidating as expected. Bushy hair and strong features, strong eyes, he’s stunning and Yama swallows the nerves that sends a shake to his hands. Beside him stands another boy, Hajime Iwaizumi. Fierce while in other ways, his build is hefty, sturdy, powerful, something to look up to and something about him makes Yama excited.

_Another Setter, Tobio is fucked, and a Wing Spiker. This team has good defense._

Sanding behind Daichi are two more boys. One is short….the shortest of all of them if he were to guess, while the other, like Tsukki and Tobio, is towering. The black haired boy, Kuroo Tetsurou, is like a shadow of darkness, not a harsh darkness but darkness nonetheless and the smaller one is well….small, not exactly fragile but Yama is no less shocked to hear of Kenma’s position once revealed.

_Middle Block and Last string Setter._

Once everyone is introduced, the four of them stay standing still. Solid. Daichi’s eyes go to Tobio.

“We’ve heard a lot about you. We’re a little surprised to see you here!”

“He didn’t get into Shiratorizawa,” blurts Hinata and it doesn’t take but a second for Tobio to spin and slap Hinata on the back of the head.

“Ow, rude, Tobio!”

“You’re the rude one, dumbass,” Tobio hisses.

“That’s okay, we’re happy to have you!” adds in Suga, his voice light and soft and welcoming.

“I bet you’re wondering what’s up with the...eh, turnout,” adds Noya, looking around.

Yama shakes his head, trying to be polite. But Hinata, “This school is known for volleyball, what’s the deal, where is everyone!?”

Tobio rolls his eyes. Everyone laughs a bit. Hinata blushes and grows smaller. “It’s okay, it’s a valid question,” responds Daichi.

“Our couch ditched,” adds the tall guy in the back, Kuroo.

“He didn’t ditch, he passed away,” adds in Hajime.

“He...died?” asks Tobio, looking down at the floor.

Oikawa Tooru eyes him. “You knew him, didn’t you?” The two battle stares. “Yeah, I remember you. We were in that training camp, right?”

“At Aoba Johsai.”

Tooru nods. “He got sick. It got him...took him too soon.”

Tobio hangs his head. “I'm sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, we all were,” adds Suga. “He was the selling point for our program. Without him...things have changed.”

“Shiratorizawa.” It’s the first time Tsukki has spoken and all eyes go to his. “That’s where everyone is aiming no, right?”

“Correct,” answers Hajime.

“They got that big guy, what did you call him, Tobio,” tugs Hinata.

“Wakatoshi.”

Suga nods.

“Well, we got a big guy too,” cheers Noya as he kisses Asahi’s arm. “We’re not worried.”

“Noya, stop it,” blushes Asahi.

Daichi and Suga laugh it off. Daichi eyes Tsukki. “What’s your height, kid?”

Tsukki clears his throat. “6’3.”

A few of the guys whistle. Kuroo claps. “He’s taller than me by two damn inches!”

“Settle,” Kenma purrs.

“He’s even taller than Asahi!” cries Noya.

Yama feels proud.

“Please tell me you’re a middle blocker,” adds Kuroo.

Tsukki nods.

“Thank god,” hums Hajime. “The last thing we needed was another setter.”

All eyes go to Tobio.

He sighs.

Sugawara steps up then and looks to Hinata. “You’re the jumper, right?”

Hinata toys with his fingers. He eyes Tobio. Tobio nods. “I-I am.”

“Wait, that’s you!” cries Tanaka. “Noya, that’s the bird we were scouting!”

“I know, I knew it the second you walked in!”

“The...bird?” Tobio questions.

Noya shrugs. “Long story.”

Sugawara continues. “You have a good attack, the two of you combined.”

Tobio clears his throat. “Yeah but...we’ve only ever done it once.”

“Once is enough,” adds Daichi. “Once is better than never.” His eyes then fall to Yama. Tsukki watches...closely. “And you? I’m afraid I don’t recall, I apologize.”

“Um...well, I’m usually a...pinch server.”

“Speak up,” says Tsukki supportively, but it only makes Yama more embarrassed.

“Wait, wait,” Tooru says, stepping up beside Daichi. “Does that mean you can do a float serve?”

Yama looks between the two. “Uh, yeah. Pretty well.”

“You can?” asks Tsukki.

Yama smiles and nods in response.

“Damn, that's a first for any of us!”

Yama is...shocked. It’s not that hard, is it?

“That’s gonna be a great weapon, kid,” applauds Daichi and Yama can only smile wider. “Well, I’d love to put you guys through tryouts but as you can see...there’s really no need. I trust your skills, your height. Applaud yourselves, you’re on the team….by default, I’m afraid.”

Hinata cheers but something in Yama feels a bit defeated. Cheated, even. He had truly looked forward to trying out, besides being so damn nervous. He was excited to try out with Tsukki, to play together. But he would get the chance so he holds back that sadness as Tsukki slaps at his shoulder happily, forcing a smile.

***

At the end of their first day, Yama is utterly exhausted, bones screaming and muscles crying as he and the others lay sprawled all around the gym, panting and huffing and sweating.

Hinata is resting his head on Tobio’s stomach, which he guesses in any other circumstance wouldn’t slide but right now, none of them could even fathom movement and the second years….well, they all looked very pleased.

“Oh come on, we weren’t that hard on you!” jokes Tanaka.

“Lies,” pants Hinata.

Noya is the one to laugh the loudest.

“You guys all did a great job, I can tell this is gonna work out,” adds Daichi.

“Yeah, I’m usually not one to agree with this guy but I gotta say, you guys got skill,” teases Kuroo, whose busy playing with Kenma’s hair.

“Thank you...I think?” questions Tsukki and Yama giggle beside him.

“Go get changed, take showers and be here in the morning for practice, yeah?”

“The morning? No evening practices.”

Asahi giggles. “We do both.”

“Two practices a day!?” There’s a pause. “Tobio, did you hear that!”

“Hinata, you need to settle.”

Everyone enjoys the banter.

But Yama….

Morning practices would be a hard one to convince the shelter about. Yama had been living permanently (and secretly) at a shelter for the past three years, but only on the account that he had to help with clean and management of the shelter and as life would have it, his duties involved the morning shift.

Yama clears his throat and sits up, eyeing the Suga and the Vice Captain seems to understand. He eyes Daichi and the Captain calls for an official break. Everyone scatters, Hinata and Tobio racing to the locker room while the rest of the team moves to clean the gym.  

Yama stands but Tsukki is there to tug on his hand. “Is everything alright?”

Yama plasters on his smile. “Yeah, I just wanna ask a question!”

Tsukki nods. “I’m gonna go shower.”

“I’ll be there soon.” He realizes what he just said. Tsukki smirks. “No! _No_ , not...in that way, I just-”

“Yamaguchi!” calls Suga, saving him. _Thank you, God._

“I’ll be up there in a bit,” Yama decides to say as he waves and runs to where Suga stands.

Suga is smirking and Yama just laughs it off as Suga pulls him to the corner. Tsukki walks past them and they catch eyes for a moment. Yama waves at him right as Tsukki leaves the gym.

His attention is stuck on Suga. “What’s going on? You were giving me eye signals.”

Yama scratches at his cheeks. At his freckles. “Yeah. Yes, I was.”

Suga grins. “Okay, you can talk to me, what’s going on.”

“I...want to be on this team more than anything in the world right now…”

Suga squints. “But?”

“But...I don’t think I can make morning practices.”

Suga hums. “Okay, can you tell me why not?”

Yama swallows. “If I tell you something, can you promise not to tell anyone else?”

Suga’s smirk drops. “It depends, on the situation.”

Yama nods, he understands. He doesn’t know where to start so he simply blurts it out. “I live in a homeless shelter.” Suga pales and Yama closes his eyes. “I’ve lived there for about three years...and the only reason they let me stay there is because in the mornings, I take care of the place. I cook the morning meals, I do laundry, I clean the bathrooms, the showers, I mop and sweep and…the point is, I have a job to do in the mornings in order to have a place to live….and so…I cannot make morning practices.”

Suga is frozen, eyes wide and glossy and Yama hates the pity that swims in those large, beautiful eyes.

“I understand if that means I can’t be on the team but-”

“You are on the team. That’s already been decided.” Yama gasps, biting it back as quick as it came. “Can I ask _you_ a question?”

“Of course.”

“You’re...the station kid, right?” Yama feels vomit play at the tip of his tongue. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be blunt about it but...I knew, from the second you walked in.”

“Please, don’t tell-”

“I will not say a word to anyone.” Suga inches closer as Yama wipes at his eyes. “I will speak to Daichi, tell him that you can’t make morning practices. Don’t worry, I’ll get through to him.”

“A-Are you sure-”

“Yes. I am positive.” Suga squeezes his shoulder. “I watched you today. You are an incredible server…” Yama blinks rapidly before looking away. Suga draws him back. “I know you just met us all today but….everyone on this team is a family. We take care of each other, we always have and you guys becoming part of the team only adds to that family. I understand you not wanting everyone to know….but, if you ever feel like you need help or like you need to talk to us about it, do not hesitate to come to one of us, okay?”

Yama breathes heavy through parted lips, heart thumping violently inside of him. “I don’t know what to say.”

“This is more than a volleyball team. It’s a sanctuary.” Suga squeezes his shoulder once more. “We may not have a notable coach anymore, but..that won’t stop us from being great. You’ll have a home here soon enough, Yamaguchi. I promise.”

Yama doesn’t have to force a smile this time around.

"Oh, and one more thing." Suga pokes at Yama's cheeks, at his freckles. "Be proud of yourself. Be proud of your body. Trust me, I know how hard that can be but it's important. You're important." 

Yama is speechless and wants to say something more but Suga is already leaving him to join Daichi in the corner and Yama can’t help but watch the way they act with each other, the closeness, the intimacy that washes over the two of them when in contact and while watching, he feels as if he’s violating a moment.

Yama spins then and shakes his head clear as he leaves the gym, surprised that leaning against the wall outside the doors of the locker room, is Tsukki. “Hey, I thought you were going to shower.”

Tsukki doesn’t answer, he only pushes off the wall and looks down at Yama. They stand close and Tsukki’s fingertips brush the back of Yama’s chilled, sweaty hand. The touch is sweet, fast but speaks many words and Yama feels as though something is... _different_ but he can’t pin down what exactly that may be.

“Tsukki?”

Finally, Tsukki huffs and brushes Yama’s hair back. “Come on, let’s get a shower before those two idiots take all the hot water.”

Yama rolls his eyes as Tsukki slings his arm around Yama’s neck. “You are too mean to them.”

“Eh, what’s a little teasing gonna hurt, huh?”

Yama laughs into Tsukki’s arm.

His first day of high school wasn’t as bad as expected.

* * *

  **THREE**

**ONE YEAR LATER**

 

It’s been a year and things have changed a bit.

Five months after the start of Yama’s freshmen year, Daichi and Suga became a thing; like full out, Yama could tell it’s a soulmate sort of ordeal thing. Daichi still resides as Captain, Suga his Vice, and the team, who is on their way to Nationals by the second, worked as if they had always functioned as a well oiled machine.

Noya and Asahi, who had been dating from the very beginning, were still going strong. Noya spoke _a lot_ about marriage and it made Tanaka excited each time he did and while Yama could always tell that it made Asahi nervous, Yama knew Asahi was on board. If Noya was on board with something, Asahi had no qualms.

There was also a new manager on the team, her name was Yachi. She had joined only a few short weeks after Yama and the others had joined, at the very persistent pleads given by Hinata. She was hesitant at first, scared and intimidated, but eventually broke and now, she was also apart of the family and Tanaka, from day one, had fallen head over heels in love with her. Yachi was embarrassed to admit it, but Yama knew, they were a couple, they had never not been a couple, from the day she walked into the gym and still, he finds it cute at how she acts when around all the other guys on the team.

Hajime was still chasing Tooru, the never ending Saga Yama had come to enjoy watching and Kuroo was still oblivious to the way Kenma watched him, followed him, looked at him but Yama would save that soap opera for another day.

And then, there was his life, a life that with Tsukki involved, had only become better and bigger and brighter. Each morning he was greeted by Tsukki with two coffees and a warm hug, which helped when up against the cold of the city. Over the past year, the two had become inseparable and that was the way Yama liked it.

They had learned a lot about each other in the past year.

Yama learned that Tsukki was a very good businessman, and that he had been practically running his father’s bar since he was twelve years old. He learned that Tsukki had a brother in the Army, a rifleman, something he did to get away from his father and the way Tsukki spoke about him always broke Yama’s heart. He had also learned that Tsukki had no plans for college, no, Tsukki’s one and only dream was to open a bar of his own, something that was his and his alone and Yama admired him for that.

Yama admired him for many things. He admired the way Tsukki treated women and service workers. He admired the way Tsukki was understanding with people and how protective he was. He admired the way that he cared for animals and people and children and _things,_ always very tidy and respectful and compassionate. He was stone cold, stoic and modest and quiet but with Yama, he was a completely different entity and it always made Yamaguchi feels special, as if he was an exception to the rule that was Tsukki himself.

Yama had also started to open up to Tsukki more, telling him about his future, about his passions. He confessed to Tsukki that he never viewed volleyball as anything but a past time and that his real dream was to work in a publishing company as a proofreader or an editor. Yama had had his eyes set on a publishing house for years now, a new, independent publishing house that published some of his favorite, obscure crime novels and he was dedicated to that dream.

He remembers the day he told Tsukki, how his friend had acted, how he treated the idea with nothing but complete admiration and support because if Tsukki was anything, he was endlessly supportive of everything Yama wanted.

He remembers all their long talks of travelling and about how Yama had always wanted to visit Japan, to go back to his roots. Tsukki had made him a promise, a promise they they would travel together to all the places Yama wanted and Yama remembers the feeling that promise gave him.

He warms simply thinking about it.

But there were things Yama still refused to tell Tsukki; like who he really was, how he had no home, no real roots, no actual purpose, no money. If he could keep it up, he would never tell Tsukki any of those things and sadly, Yama has become quite the expect at dodging the topic altogether, even if it always makes him sick to his stomach, lying to the most important person in his life…

He swallows back the guilt as he stands at his locker, pulling books into his arms. As a sophomore, he was trying to align his classes (college level classes, mind you) with the types of course he would need to take in college for obtaining a degree in publishing and journalism and so each title he piles into his arms reads English, Advanced English, Newspaper Writing, etc and as always, he can’t help but feel like a colossal nerd.

A buzz in his pocket, the phone that Tsukki had got him for his sixteenth birthday, causes him to struggle with the books in his arms but he knows who it is, and there’s no way he would ever ignore a text from Tsukki.

He checks the phone:

**_Hey, just left Mrs. Swims office. Wanna walk to math together?_ **

Yama smiles:

**_Would I ever say no to you? I’ll meet you there, stay put!_ **

A second passes:

**_Yes sir :)_ **

Five minutes later, he’s greeted to Tsukki leaning against the wall outside of the counselors office and the moment Tsukki see’s him, he rushes to help Yama carry the books.

“Jesus, please remind me why you insist on taking classes that require ten pound textbooks?”

“College exams are a year away, if I wanna get a full ride, I have to earn it!”

“Yeah, yeah. I just think you like to torture yourself,” replies Tsukki with a wink and Yama has to keep the words, those three little words that play over his eyes like a broken record, from slipping off his tongue.

“How was the session?”

Tsukki hums and watches Yama closely, always watching, always protective. “Fine. She says I’m getting better.”

“Yeah? And what do you think?”

He sighs. “I’m definitely not as...intense anymore, or red. Who knew having anger management issues turned you into a lobster?”

“And you call me the nerd.”

They both laugh.

“Thank you, by the way.”

Yama looks to him confused. “For?”

“For suggesting I do this. I’ve always had a hard time...controlling myself, my anger. My dad, he just...brings something out in me.”

Yama stops, placing his arm on Tsukki’s and pulling them both to a halt. “Tsukki you’re not your dad.”

He sighs, lip twitching. “I could be. You know, genes and whatnot-”

“That’s not how that works-”

“Yama, I get so...angry. It scares me sometimes, you know?”

There’s a pause but Yama could never be scared of Tsukki. There is no one on the planet Yama could ever feel safer with so he moves closer, squeezing his hand around Tsukki’s large bicep. “That’s why you’re doing this, right?”

He nods. “This...it really is helping…”

Yama smiles. “I’m glad.” Tsukki looks down at Yama’s hand and swallows, the sound echoing through Yama’s ears. _You’re in public, Yama. This is a dangerous situation._ He lifts his hand away from Tsukki’s arm. Both of them sigh. “When was your last fight with...you know-”

“Two weeks ago.”

Yama is terrified to ask his next question. “Did he-”

“No, I don’t let him close enough to touch me anymore,” he slurs and Yama wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around Tsukki’s neck and never let go.  “Sorry, I don’t mean to be a downer. These sessions with Mrs. Swim make me kinda...eh, you know.”

“Tsukki, you know you can always talk to me. Don’t be silly.”

Tsukki almost stops in his tracts but the time is ticking and both of their classes await so they clear their throats and walk the rest of the way in silence. Yama’s advanced English class is right next to Tsukki math class and so Tsukki carries the books for as long as he can, sighing deeply when he has to hand them back over.

“You’re gonna have great arm muscles from carrying these damn things everywhere.”

“Well, I can look at that as just another bonus!” he sings and Tsukki shakes his head while sporting a toothy smile. “I’ll see you after class?”

“Duh,” Tsukki winks, spinning then to leave Yama.

He walks into class, rushing through the aisles to toss the books onto his desk. The girl behind him, one of the many Samantha’s in his class, teases him about carrying too many books. It’s a weak poke and he brushes it off. He tells the teacher he’s going to use the restroom and runs down the hall.

When he enters, it’s quiet, a nice break from the hectic, crowded hallways of the high school. He sighs for a second, seeping in the silence, slapping at his cheeks in the mirror, frowning at his freckle before he moves for a stall and when he finishes, he moves for the lock, unable to push open the door.

He pushes.

Nothing.

He pushes again.

Laughter. Yama’s heart stops. _Not again._

Yama had developed an irrational fear when it came to being alone, along with his irrational fear of playground and the dark, but nothing more than being alone and he had no one else to blame but Yuri Christian. Over the past year, nothing had changed since he was kid; Yama was till Yuri’s main focus, his main target….it was a way of life Yama had grown accustomed too and he hates himself for letting his guard down.

“How’s it going in there, mutt?”

He’s tired of these games. Yama leans his forehead against the stall door. “Yuri, let me out, now.”

“Oh, he’s begging already!”

There are two other distinct laughs.

Timur and Johnny.

_Fucking pricks._

The bell rings. “Come on, aren’t you guys a little old to be fucking with people in the bathrooms?” Yama pushes on the door. He panics. “Seriously, this is just pathetic.”

“If you don’t shut your fucking mouth, mutt, I’ll shut it for you!” yells Yuri.

Yama jumps, the yell is so loud.

“Just let us have our fun, yeah?” adds Timur.

Yama scoffs. “Go to hell.”

And in the next minute, he’s pulled from the stall into the middle of the bathroom floor. His ribs are kicked, his face, his nose, his legs. Kick after kick after kick and he’s bleeding. Yama doesn’t scream or cry, no, he only bites deeper into his lip, holding back the wails lodged in his throat.

Finally, Yuri lifts him, hauling Yama’s limp body to his feet. Yama moans but still refuses to cry, he has always refused to give Yuri that satisfaction.

Yuri holds him against the wall, licking his lips as he looks Yama up and down. “Still with those damn freckles…” he sings, moving closer to Yama’s ear. “I bet I could fuck those freckles off your face real good,” he whispers and Yama is officially terrified.

Yuri wasn’t the same small, middle schooler that he was when Yama was twelve. No, the last year had done wonders for the kid, for Johnny and Timur as well, and now, with Yuri’s coiled fists wrapped in his shirt and Johnny and Timur at him feet holding his legs down, Yama knows he has to do something to get someone’s attention.

He’s afraid of what might happen if he doesn’t.

So with all of his might, he does something he knows will possibly end with him dead on the floor but he has to do something so he yells and kicks out his legs, his knees slamming into Johnny and Timur’s faces. Both boys fall backwards, releasing Yama’s legs and once they let go, he hurls his head forward, crashing his skull into Yuri’s. The bastard screams and tumbles back, falling onto Johnny and Timur and Yama makes his escape, running, running, limping into the hallway but he doesn’t make it far before he’s trampled and again, the kicking starts…

His ribs.

His face.

His ribs, something snaps.

He wails but he’s not crying.

“I’m gonna kill you,” barks Yuri above him repeatedly.

His face again, he can barely see out of his right eye.

Back to his ribs.

A teacher comes out into the hallway. “ HEY!”

The kicking continues.

The teach rushes out, along with a few kids from different classrooms and Yama wants to melt into the floor and never be seen or heard from ever again. He wants to die, right here, right now-

“YAMA!”

_Tsukki._

The kicking stops and when he gains the energy to look back up, there is Tsukki, seated on top of Yuri delivering blow after blow after blow after blow and Yama can see Yuri’s blood staining Tsukki’s fists.

“S-Stop…” Yama tries to call out.

Tsukki does anything but stop. He punishes Yuri harder, over and over again. Yuri’s legs stop moving. Johnny and Timur step back.

“Tsukki, stop,” whimpers Yama.

Tsukki is growling. He punches and punches, more blood spills until finally, Yama hears more familiar voices.

“Tsukki, stop!”

_Daichi._

Tanaka and Daichi leap over Yama as Suga and Asahi come to his side. Yama watches Daichi and Tanaka pull Tsukki away and Yama catches sight of Tsukki’s face; bent and rabid and fierce...feral.

Yuri is unconscious.

Tsukki is covered in blood, continuing to scream.

A few security guards make their way through the crowd as the nurse comes to see Yama, moving quickly to Yuri with Yama’s permission. Tsukki is hauled away by security guards and Yama keep his eyes on his best friend for as long as he can. Daichi and Tanaka stay kneeled on the floor, defeated, as Suga pulls Yama into his chest.

“Are you okay? Huh? Yama, are you hurt?”

He is but that doesn’t matter.

He can’t take his eyes off of Yuri’s unconscious body.

Suga continues to hug him.

The pain catches up to him soon after.

Yama isn’t sure when he passes out.

***

Yama sit in the nurse's office with an ice back to his ribs. The swelling on his face has finally gone down and he pokes at his injuries in the mirror, hissing each time he pushes too hard.

“Will you quit, you’re only hurting yourself more,” pokes Suga and Yama rolls his one good eye, the one that’s not bloodshot and veined.

Yama looks to Suga. “Anything?”

Suga looks down at his phone. “I haven’t got a text.”

Yama sighs. “I’ve...never seen him that angry.”

“It was...something else.”

“He’s been seeing a counselor, you know. He’s trying...to fix it, it’s not his fault.”

Suga smiles. “I know, Yama.” Suga looks at the time. “Go home, you’ve been excused. I need to get to practice, everyone is worried sick.”

“Daichi-”

“He refuses to leave until Tsukki is released from the office.”

They look to the bed where Yuri was. The sheets still bloody and stained. “His dad is gonna have a field day with this.”

“I don’t know, Yama. I don’t think he’s gonna want the publicity. There were too many witness, everyone saw how he was attacking you.”

Yama can only sigh and hope that Suga is right. Suga stands and walks to where Yama sits, kneeling and running his hand through Yama’s hair. “Are you okay, for me to leave?”

Yama smiles. “Of course, go. Go, and please tell Hinata I’m alive, okay? You know how he gets.”

“You mean how we _all_ get?”

Yama grins, thinking back to the words Suga had said to him on his first day:

_You’ll have a home here soon enough, Yamaguchi. I promise._

He really did, Yama finally had a true home.

***

Tsukki is suspended for a week.

They walk side by side, after both being released from school and practice early, in complete and stale silence. It’s painful, way more painful than the cracked rib or the giant, swallowing bruise over his eye.

Yama glances Tsukki’s way every once in awhile, trying to break the silence, the staleness, the clog that’s hovering thickly around the two of them and finally, he drags himself to a stop as they turn into an alleyway.

Tsukki stops as well. “What is it?”

“You...didn’t have to do that.”

Tsukki scoffs. “I didn’t?”

“No, of course not-”

“Really? Because it looked like that son of bitch was on the verge of almost killing you, Yama, so I’m going to have to respectfully disagree.”

Yama moves closer to him, Tsukki allows it. “I’m sorry.”

Tsukki’s brow scrunches. “What?” he breathes.

Yama bites his lip and looks down at Tsukki’s knuckles. Bruised and black and cut open. He takes one of Tsukki’s hands and holds it within his own, stroking the skin on the back of his hand. Tsukki trembles. “You’re hurt...because of me-”

“No, I’m hurt because some animal decided to put his hands on you.”

Tsukki can barely look Yama in the eye and he can feel it low in his gut. “Can you...please look at me?”

Tsukki takes a deep breath, holding it as he rubs at his eyes. “I-I can’t…”

Yama wants to cry. “Tsukki-”

“It is...killing me…” he sniffles and Yama moves closer. Tsukki bites at his nails. “I can’t...I didn’t get there in time.”

“Tsukki, you saved me-”

“Yes but look at you, Yama! Look at your...face, and he broke one of your ribs!”

“It’s only cracked, silly!”

“Dammit, Yama!” he screams and Tadashi flinches. The regret floods Tsukki’s face instantly. “I-I’m _so_ sorry,” he whispers, shaking, pale.

“It’s fine.”

Tsukki pouts before his head drops and he sniffles again. “Just let me take you home…”

Yama panics. “No, no. I can go myself-”

“Yamaguchi, you’re hurt. You’re _bleeding_! We’re already walking together. Please-”

“I said no, okay! I’m fine, I can get home by myself.”

Tsukki pauses and stares at the wall behind Yama. “Why don’t you want me to take you home, huh? Tell me why, Yama.”

“Please, just stop…”

“No, talk to me. Come on-”

_No. No, not today. Not like this._

“Tsukki, stop it-”

“Seriously, Yama!”

“Please, I don’t wanna have this fight again-”

“Then just tell me why!”

“Why what, what are you talking about-”

“I KNOW, TADASHI!”

Yama cannot move, can’t breathe, can’t think straight.

_This can’t be happening, this isn’t happening..._

He staggers. “W-What?”

“I know that you’re homeless, about who you are! I know, so you can stop lying to me already!”

Yama shakes his head. “I-I’m not lying to you!”

“You sure as hell have never told me!”

“You’ve never told me that you knew! _You know_!? God, how long have you known!”

Tsukki pushes his back against the wall of the alleyway. “Since freshman year. Since the first day of school, I heard you and Suga talking.”

Yama pants, his lungs threatening to fall from his throat as he leans over, hands on his knees. “The first day of school….that was a year ago-”

“Yeah, a year! _A year_ , Yama, and you’ve said nothing!”

“Well, you know Tsukki. It’s not really something I like screaming over the speakers, okay?”

“Yeah, I’d buy that if I was just some guy on the street who didn’t mean anything to you but….who knows, maybe I’ve just been fooling myself!”

“What the hell does that mean?!”

“You’re my best friend! I l-” Tsukki stops and Yama can only imagine what he was about to say because this fight was nowhere from over. “You are the one person in the world who means more to be than the air I breathe...so I cannot fathom a reason as to why you wouldn’t tell me this, after all this time, after everything the two of us have been through together!”

“Tsukki…”

“No, give me a reason!”

“I am disgusting, that’s why! Look at me, Tsukki! Look at my face!” Tsukki, after a second finally manages, cringing and Yama feels the acid in his stomach boil. “I am an unwanted, disgusting mutt of a person with no parents, no home, no money to my name! I am nothing, Kei! NOTHING! I’m weak and pathetic and spend most of my time with my nose in a book wishing I was anyone but myself so why would I ever want you to see me in that way, why would I ever want you to see me like I see myself!”

Both boys breathe hard, tears leaking from their eyes.

Tsukki advances forward.

Yama advances back and he can see the pain that flood Tsukki’s face as Yama retreats from him.

“Yama, why would you ever think I would care about any of that? Huh? You know me, you know about my dad, my brother, _my life_ and still, you don’t...trust me.”

“That’s not it!”

“That’s exactly it, isn’t it? It’s why you’ve never said a word to me, why you’ve kept an entire part of your life a complete secret from me!”

“Tsukki, that part of my life is something I’m not proud to claim! It has nothing to do with you! You think I want to tell you about how I wasn’t worth someone's time, so they left me wrapped in a dirty bed sheet in front of a damn police station!? You want me to tell you about how I bounced from home to home, being beaten and tossed around like trash, only kept around to collect a government check! You think that’s the image I want you to see when you think of me!”

“That’s not who you are, Yama, that’s what you’ve been through! Those are two very different things. That’s never what I would see when I think of you!”

“Yeah, sure, you say that now but imagine if I had told you this that first night in the park. Imagine if I spilled myself out to you like a broken faucet and let you see all the nasty black goo that is my pathetic, pitiful life! Do you honestly think things would have ended up the same way? I can answer that for you, no, things wouldn’t have been the same because if I had told you, you would have looked at me in the same way that you’re looking at me right now and I _hate_ the way you’re looking at me right now, like I’m some sick dog who needs to be taken care of!”

“Tadashi, I have never looked at you as anything but what you are, which is damn near perfection.”

Yama stutters trying to catch his breath and Tsukki pushes off the wall, walking them both backwards. Yama clings to the front of Tsukki’s thin shirt until he’s pushed up against the wall of the alleyway and Yama’s chest constricts as Tsukki thrusts into him. Tsukki’s hot breath on his skin is enough to rise his cock and Yama tries to focus on the anger, the anger of never telling him, the anger of the day, the anger of Tsukki always knowing how pitiful he was….

But all he can focus on is the smell of dark chocolate and beer and Tsukki’s body pressed firm up against his in the middle of the skinny, dark alley and how badly he wants to press his lips to Tsukki’s. He can only focus on the color of his lips and the tongue that licks over them. He can only focus on Tsukki’s hands running up and down Yama’s cheeks, his neck, his chest and Yama’s head drops back as Tsukki touches him, slow and erotic and flawlessly, as if his hands were only crafted to touch and explore Yama’s body.

“Tsukki,” moans Yama and Tsukki shudders, nails digging into Yama’s scalp as Yamaguchi’s own hands come up to scratch down Tsukki’s back. Kei growls and Yama’s knees threaten to buckle.

No, this can’t happen.

Not here, not today, not like this….

_I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry._

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he slides down the wall and free from Tsukki’s arms, arms that race to cling back to Yama. “I-I’m sorry,” he says once more before he spins and sprints in the opposite direction, ignoring the sound of Tsukki calling after him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! 
> 
> Okay, here's part 2!  
> So if you have not read "Protect Me and I Protect You", then I am sorry to say but you may be a tad confused about some of the references going on in this section but maybe that will inspire you to go read the first piece? Yeah? ;)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy, and the final part may take a while to get out because I am going on vacation soon! 
> 
> I love you guys, have fun reading and thank you! <3

**FOUR**

**2013**

**SEPTEMBER**

It was their junior year of high school now and both Tsukki nor Yama ever mentioned or spoke about that day in the alleyway ever again.

But that didn’t stop those strange, amazing, subtle moments from happening between them and Yama, if anything, was happy about that.

It didn’t stop the looks, or the way their hands brushed against each other at lunch when sitting and laughing with everyone on the team. It didn’t stop the way Tsukki watched Yamaguchi like a hawk whenever Yuri or the others were involved, whenever _anyone_ was involved. It didn’t stop the way they walked home together, tied to the hip, skin on skin. It didn’t stop the slip ups, when their eyes would catch and the air would thicken and their cheeks would heat, it stopped nothing from changing or growing but the toll it was placing on Yama was beginning to drag him through the mud.

There was absolutely no denying it at this point: he was absolutely, stupidly in love with the only person in the world that he knew he had a true, solid standing with.

There was no denying that he was madly in love with his best friend and it terrified him.

Yama had been alone for as long as he could remember, for twelve years he had nothing; no home, no family, no hope, no light and then that night in the park happened and it was like a lid was lifted from the cramped can that he had been living his life within for twelve years. Tsukki brought the sun with him, brought a longing, brought excitement and adventure. He taught Yama about the world, he bought Yama his first phone, bought him Christmas presents, helped him get his first job in a bookstore, helped him build a resume, trivial things, yes, but to Yama, everything Tsukki did meant the world and more to him and it was because of all those small, trivial things that Yama was now so deeply in love with Tsukki.

As usual, Tsukki is walking beside him, thick headphones taped over his ears while Yama stares down into his love-torn book; his favorite novel, _In Cold Blood_ by Truman Capote.

It’s dark and they’re on their way to Celebrate Daichi’s birthday.

Yama had a hard time believing that they were all seniors now, and that he, Hinata, Kageyama and Tsukki were juniors; his family, people he could now never imagine his life without. He feels like it was just yesterday when he had run into Tsukki again in the lunchroom his freshman year, nervous about the volleyball tryouts, a stranger to all the guys on the team, still a child.

But now, he was a pretty well known pinch server on a team that had been to Nationals and made headlines because of the quick play made famous by Tobio and Hinata. He was best friends with Hinata and very close to Suga, too. He had his own apartment now (again thanks to Tsukki) and was officially free from the system after filing for independence and was no longer messed with by Yuri and his band of comical television goons. He was about to take his college test and was in the midst of applying to NYU for Journalism and Publishing, working towards an advanced program due to all the college classes he took during high school. He was ranked 3rd in his class and was already in touch with the publishing house he had been aiming for for years.

He smiles into his book. _You did good for yourself, Yamaguchi._

Yama starts in on a new sentence on the book right as he hears Tsukki clear his throat. “Hey...can I ask you something?”

“Duh,” he laughs but Tsukki doesn’t laugh.

“Have you ever looked into who your parents are?”

Yama stops walking, almost dropping his book. “W-What?”

Tsukki sighs and stops too, looking back at Yama. “It’s...been bugging me lately. I-I never would have asked you, I know how you feel about it but the other day, my mom asked if you would-”

“No,” Yama growls and it surprises both of them but Yama knows where this is going.

Tsukki’s mother works for the police department, in the sector that searched and handled missing children reports and dealt with the homeless youth of the city. She was a major reason Yama why was able to file for independence as quickly and as easily as he did.

“She only wants to help you.”

“Why would I need to find my parents? Why would you think I’d ever want that?”

“Yama-”

“No, Tsukki. Please, just drop it.”

Yama keeps walking, right past Tsukki but Tsukki stops him, a gentle hand wrapping around Yama’s forearm to pull him to a stop.

“Yama, are you not the least bit curious?”

“No, I’m not.”

“But what if I told you that she-”

“I don’t care what authority your mom has, Tsukki. I love her and she’s sweet for thinking of me but…” Yama runs his hands through his hair, tugging at the long locks curling into his eyes. “P-Please, I don’t wanna fight right now.”

“Yama, I’m not trying to fight with you!”

“I would beg a differ!”

Tsukki pulls him closer, hands rested cold on both of Yama’s blushed cheeks and the touch is enough to turn the bones in his legs to water. “Hey, hey,” he whispers and Yama closes his eyes and allows the kiss of the wind to calm his nerves. “I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry.” Tsukki pauses and Yama opens his eyes to look at him. “I really didn’t mean to upset you, swear it.”

Yama hates that he can never stay mad at this man. “I know, I know.”

Tsukki smiles and Yama feels warm beneath the blanket of cold hanging about New York. “Daichi’s gonna love your present.”

He sighs. “You think?”

“Yes, I know.” He brushes Yama’s hair behind his ear. “It’s grown so long.”

“I’ll cut it soon.”

“Don’t. I like it.”

Yama is blushing to the point where it stings. He bites his lip.

Tsukki takes a deep breathe and whistles. “Okay. okay, let’s go. We’re going to be late.”

They walk the rest of the way in silence, still close, always touching until they step foot into the restaurant and Yama can see the ideas spinning in Tsukki the second they walk past the bar parlor; making notes about what he wants his future bar to look like, the aesthetic, the atmosphere of it and Yama loves watching him when he’s like this. He loves watching Tsukki imagine his future, a future he begs whatever Gods may be that he’s apart of.

They walk into the back room, a popular spot that had grown to be like a second home to everyone on the team and the cheers let out from everyone as they walk in are boisterous and welcoming and Yama smiles and Hinata runs to him and hugs Yama’s waist.

“Thought you guys were never gonna make it,” says Tobio as he hugs Tsukki.

The two had grown close over the past three years, closer than anyone could have ever guessed. They held a mutual respect for each other that many would never understand and Yama was happy for it. It was a healthy relationship, one that was good for the both of them.

Yama giggles. “Sorry, I got caught up at work.”

“What? Didn’t you tell them that it was my birthday?” adds Daichi and Suga slaps him with a smirk.

“Eh, they didn’t quite care as much as I did, you know?”

“How rude,” he winks and Yama and Tsukki walk over to take their saved spots at the table. “Seriously, thank you guys for coming.”

“Of course, Dai. We wouldn’t have missed it.”

Tsukki injects. “Where’s Kuroo?”

Suga goes quiet so Tooru answers. “He’s at the gym.”

“Still?” asks Tsukki.

“He had to finish a practice match. Kenma is with him too.”

“Idiot,” mumbles Suga.

“Be nice,” replies Dai.

Suga only sighs.

The night is perfect, gift exchanges go off without a hitch; Suga buys Daichi a book detailing stars and constellations, probably signed with some mushy, romantic note on the inside, and Asahi gets him an old copy of his favorite movie, Pearl Harbor. Yama had bought him a book written by one of his favorite Marines from WW2, signed by the Marine himself and Daichi had almost cried at the sentiment of it all. Tsukki bought him a $50 gift card to an antique store in SoHo that Daichi was obsessed with and Noya got him a new pair of knee pads, the real expensive kind. Once Kuroo and Kenma had finally joined the group, they brought with him a signed jersey by one of the Yankees and Tooru and Hajime had pitched in a got a matching gloves to go along with it. Again, he almost cried. Tanaka and Yachi couldn’t make it on account that Yachi had moved schools at the end of their sophomore year, and that Tanaka had followed her but they had sent a card with some money and that was more than enough for Daichi.

The party is perfect. Yama loved these times together, laughing and eating and joking, spending time as a family was what they were all best at when off the court. They had all connected so easily, it was never awkward or strange. It was if they were all meant to find each other and Yama would be eternally grateful for the path his life had moved into.

Finally, after a few hours pass, Daichi clears his throat and looks over at Suga, who is leaning against Asahi, obviously sleepy.

Daichi says nothing as he stands, pulling the sleepy Suga to his feet as well and everyone stares confused, including Yama.

Suga laughs. “What are you doing, Dai?”

Daichi runs a single finger along Suga’s cheek and the setter leans into it. “I love you, you know that right?”

“I would hope so?” he laughs, as does everyone else.

Daichi clear his throat and then digs into his pocket, pulling out a small silver box.

Hajime chuckles. “You know, Dai, birthdays mean that you’re the one who receive the gifts, right?”

Tooru shoves him.

“I’m fully aware. This is a gift to myself,” he says as he slowly kneels and everyone goes quiet, Suga more so, as Daichi smiles and slowly opens the small box.

Suga is crying almost instantly. “W-What are you doing, Dai?”

“What does it look like?”

Yama is curled into Tsukki, the cuteness of the moment too much for his body to handle and he can feel Tsukki’s eyes barreling into him but all he can focus on is Suga and the ring and Daichi and the note written in bold that reads: **MARRY ME AND LET'S COUNT THE STARS?**

Suga is panting and fanning himself. “Dai, are you serious?”

“Koushi, of course I’m serious.” Dai stands, taking out the ring and holding it between his fingers before he closes the box. He takes Suga’s small hand. “I’ve been serious about you from the day I saw you standing in that line-up our freshmen year for tryouts. I was serious about you the day you first hugged me and my heart practically stopped beating. I was serious about you the day you got hurt in that tournament. I was serious about you the day our shoulders touched at the bus stop, the day it was raining. I was serious from the moment that you told me you wanted to be an art teacher, from the moment I saw how much you cared for kids. I have been serious about you from the very beginning, Suga, because I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you.”

Yama is blushing, heat pooling in his gut as he sniffles into his hand.

God, Suga deserved this.

He deserved the world, he and Daichi both.

“So, Sug. Please, for the love of God...please, marry me, baby?”

Tsukki squeezes Yama’s arms tighter.

Yama squeezes back and leans his head on Tsukki’s shoulder.

Suga wipes at his eyes, gasps and then nods and everyone in the restaurant erupts, cheering and screaming their very appropriate _finallys_.

Daichi shakes his head and slips the ring on Suga’s finger, scooping him up in his arms as they spin in circles kissing and hugging and loving and it’s absolutely beautiful.

The night is perfect.

The party is perfect.

The proposal is perfect.

Yamaguchi’s life is perfect.

***

Suga is busy flashing his ring around while Tsukki and Daichi are seated at a table across the room. Daichi is leaning into his palm as he watches Suga and Tsukki, well, he can’t take his eyes off of Yama.

He can’t stop watching the way he examines the ring, how he laughs, how he smiles.

“You love him, right?”

Tsukki almost falls out of his seat. “Excuse me?”

Daichi laughs. “Come on, Tsukki. Really?”

“What?”

“Don’t what me! You seriously think it isn’t obvious?”

Tsukki opens his mouth to protest but then, he hears Yama laugh with Hinata and Kenma and _fuck_ …

“Fuck,” he breathes.

“Yeah, fuck is right,” laughs Daichi, who punches Tsukki’s arm playfully. “Look, take it from me, okay? I’m an expert when it comes to loving someone you consider family and being...conflicted about it.”

“Yama is more than family...I don’t know if there’s even a word for how much he means to me.”

“I know, Tsukki.”

“Did I ever tell you about how we met?” Daichi shakes his head. “You know Yuri Christian, right?”

Daichi scoffs. “Yeah, I think I’m familiar with the bastard.”

“Yeah, well, he was a demon even at twelve years old.” Tsukki pauses and watches Yama closer, rubbing at his lips. “Yama would kill me for telling you this but when he was twelve, Yuri chained Yama to a pole, on a playground, in Central park, in the middle of the night.” Daichi’s face pales. Tsukki nods at the reaction. “Yeah. Yuri has...traumatized Yama since he was a kid and that night, I was walking around, you know, I had just had a fight with my father and...I found him there. Chained like a fucking dog...and he was so scared.”

“He’s never said anything about that,” whispers Dai.”

“Of course he hasn’t. Yama has a terrible fear of ever putting anyone out. Anyways, after that night, we never saw each other again, not until the day we graduated middle school. We had been going to the same middle school for three years and never saw each other again.”

“You’re joking?”

“I’m not.” Tsukki continues. “I had been looking for him for three years, terrified that maybe Yuri...had taken it too far. But then graduation happened and he saw me and I saw him and from that day forward, Dai, my life changed.”

Daichi squeezes Tsukki’s arm. “I know the feeling.”

“Yama is a complicated person, with a complicated past. He’s been through absolute hell but I swear to god, he is the best person I have ever met in my entire life and I would... _kill_ for him. I almost did,” he whispers, thinking back to sophomore year when he beat Yuri unconscious in the hallway.

Daichi only nods. “Then what are you waiting for?” Tsukki looks to him. “Kei, I have known you for three years now and during those three years, it is a very rare occurrence when I see you without Yama, and vice versa. It is also common knowledge that you are incredibly in love with him. Trust me, I know the look when I see it.”

Tsukki leans forward. “What if...what if I tell him and...it fucks everything up? You know, he have our moments...where it’s obvious but…”

“But what?”

“There was a time, in an alleyway once, the day Yuri attacked Yama, we had a moment. A real moment where I thought maybe it would finally happen but...he ran from me.”

“Tsukki-”

“I cannot watch him run from me anymore, Dai.” He's crying. He makes his tears disappear. “I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing my entire life, is watching him run away from me and I don’t know if I can stomach it again.”

Daichi nods and scoots his chair closer. “Isn’t he worth it though?”

“Worth what?”

“The pain, the moments where you want him but you know that if you ever pushed him past what he was comfortable with, that it would tear you apart?”

Tsukki looks him up and down. “Are you we speaking from experience, Dai?”

“You’re damn right I am. My biggest fear is that one day I hurt Koushi in a way that is far larger than any physical pain I or he could ever endure. Pushing someone into something they may not be ready for, no, it’s never a good idea but...Tsukki, you would have to be completely blind not to see that Yama feels the exact same way that you do.”

Tsukki’s eyes threaten to fall from their sockets. “Dai-”

“I’m not kidding, Kei.”

“There’s no way…”

Daichi shakes his head and sighs, falling back into your chair. “You’re hopeless.”

Tsukki scoffs. Daichi winks.

“Look, here’s my two sense and this is the last thing I’m going to tell you.” Daichi points to Yama and Suga. “Look at him.” Tsukki does with ease. “Now, imagine not seeing him everyday. Imagine waking up and him not being there to smile at you, to say hi, to say goodnight, to walk you home. Imagine going through each and everyday, never heating his voice or looking into his eyes or-”

“Stop, please. Stop.”

“And that right there, Tsukki. That’s it, that’s your answer.”

Tsukki meets Daichi’s eyes, wide and serious and Tsukki can only nod.

He understands. He’s always understood.

He’s always been in love Tadashi, since the day he found him on that damn playground. Since Yama told him of his life goals, of his future, of his past, of his hobbies.

“How do I tell him?”

“You wait, until you have the right words, the right intentions. You’ll know the moment, the right time when it happens. You’ll just feel it, trust me.”

Tsukki nods. “I do, trust you.”

Daichi squeezes his arm again and nods. “Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to call it a night and steal my fiancee away from all of you,” he winks and Tsukki just nods and laughs him off as he walks over towards Suga and scoops him up into his arms, kissing him repeatedly. Everyone claps, including Yama.

_God, I love these people._

_I love Tadashi._

_I love my life._

***

It’s late. Their Sunday is almost over and Yama, Tsukki can tell, is exhausted but happy. He’s clinging to Tsukki’s arm, telling Tsukki of all the cute things and stories Suga had been telling them all while Tsukki was talking to Daichi back at the restaurant.

“Did he ever tell you about that tournament, Tsukki?”

“No, I had no idea.”

“That is so like Suga, not to worry anyone with his problems.”

“Yeah,” Tsukki agrees. “He reminds me of _someone else_ I know.”

Yama scoffs and slaps him, and Tsukki giggles. “Rude.”

“You love me.” He feels Yama nod against his shoulder and Tsukki swallows hard. “Do you want me to walk you home?”

He knows how much Yama hates the dark. Tsukki would never judge him for it.

“Yes, please?”

Tsukki obviously agrees. They walk slowly, tightly twined together and Tsukki is happy to listen to the soft humming Yama projects as they stroll down the city street. They cut through Central park to get to Yama’s apartment, which Tsukki wasn’t too fond of by the way.

Yes, he had helped Yama find it. He needed a home that wasn’t the shelter and Yama was proud of his studio so Tsukki would never complain. But he would be lying to not at least admit to himself about how much he hated how far away he was. He didn’t mind meeting Yama every morning at the subway, he would travel miles if it meant being greeted by Yama’s morning smile every day but he hated the distance. He hated being far from Yama in any capacity and truth be told, it scared him sometimes, how connected he was to his best friend, how dependent he was on Yama.

But Daichi was right, he couldn’t help it.

He was in love with Tadashi.

It only made sense to feel this way, right?

They arrive at his apartment a little after 1 a.m. They had school tomorrow and Tsukki was not looking forward to the morning...well, that is until Yama opens his mouth.

“Hey, Tsukki. Do you wanna stay over?”

Tsukki coughs through his surprise. “Um, w-what?”

“What? Did I say something weird?”

No, he hadn’t.

They had slept over at each others places almost every weekend for the past three years but tonight, it felt different, sounded different and he stutters his response.

“Are you...sure?”

Yama smirks. “Um, yes? Why are you acting so strange?”

“I’m not! sorry, I-sorry. I must be really tired, that’s all.”

Yama washes over Tsukki’s face. “I understand. You don’t...have to, you know, I just figured it’s late-”

“I’d love to stay over.”

Yama hesitates a moment before smiling. “Yeah?”

Tsukki steps closer. “Always.”

“Always,” Yama repeats, humming almost and Tsukki can’t stop staring at his lips.

Damn those lips.

Tsukki, never wanting the moment to end, curses internally when Yama clears his throat and turns from Tsukki, giggling nervously, going to open the door to his building. He buzzes them both in and the trek to the apartment is a strange one, a new one, something foreign for Tsukki as the air around them grows heavy and unusual.

Yama unlocks the scratched up door to his studio and let’s Tsukki in first.

Tsukki loved the way Yama decorated his place, and by decorated, he means the way the floor is cluttered with window high stacks of different novels; crime novels, historical fiction, fantasy, history books, everything you could imagine and he smiles at the thought of Yama laying on his mattress, basking in sunlight as he reads and eats carrots.

_God, I’m fucked._

The apartment is tight but at the moment, Tsukki feels as if he can’t breathe. The lights are dimmed, a preference of Yama’s, and the fan is blowing fierce above him. The wind from the faun blows Yama’s hair and Tsukki is transfixed on it as Yama walks over to the small kitchen. “You want some water?”

“Uh, yeah, do you have-”

“Tea,” Yama finishes. “I’m already on it.”

_I love you._

He watches Yama fix the tea, watches the water boil and feel the same heat bubbling in his gut as he watches Yama flex his arms, his legs. Tsukki doesn’t take his eyes off of Yama as he makes his way towards the kitchen. He leans on the bar across from Yama, who’s humming again. He hums when he’s happy. Tsukki is happy when he’s happy. He leans his chin into his palm and keeps his gaze on Tadashi.

The teapot hisses.

“You’re beautiful,” breathes Tsukki and Yama drops the box of tea that he’s holding.

The teapot continues to hiss.

Yama doesn’t pick up the tea. He turns to look at Tsukki, cheeks hot pink and eyes glossy. Tsukki stands and walks around the bar. Yama doesn’t move, he doesn’t run from him.

He can hear Yama swallow as Tsukki’s hands go to Yama’s hips. He’s sos skinny, fragile, delicate, handsome, stunning. Tsukki’s fingers dig into Yama’s hips. His eyes flutter.

“So beautiful,” he repeats as he backs Yama up into the counter.

Yama lets him. Tsukki’s flesh is burning, he’s trembling and Yama grabs hard at his thick arms.

“Tsukki,” he moans as Tsukki leans forward and hugs Yama, holding him close to his chest. His hands slide up Yama’s back, cupping his shoulder, his spine, his body. He feels Yama breath deep into his neck and it sends a harsh quake down the bones of his spine. “You smell amazing.”

Tsukki is the one to moan now, hands memorizing every part of Yama’s body beneath his hands. “Yama...I need…”

Yama pulls back and cups Tsukki’s cheeks. “I’m not...I-”

“I’m not pushing you.”

“I know you’re not,” he whispers.

The tea pot hisses louder and Yama clumsily pushes it away from the stove. Tsukki growls as he watches that spark in Yama’s eye grow darker and it’s not long before his hands are back on Yama’s hips, lifting him onto the counter.

Yama yelps and leans his head back, legs wrapping around Tsukki’s waist. Tsukki wants to kiss his neck, kiss all of him everywhere.

But Yama is breathing, _very hard_ , and Tsukki is terrified of hurting him.

He understands now what Daichi meant.

“Yama,” he breathes, cupping his hand against Yama’s neck, pulling them both back to reality. Yama’s face is flushed and hot and he’s gorgeous beneath the dim, yellow lights of the studio. “I’m not asking anything from you.”

“You never have.”

“And I never would.”

Yama nods. He understands.

Tsukki sighs and reaches for Yama’s hand, kissing it long and slow. Yama tilts his head as he watches the action. Tsukki backs away and offers Yama his hand to help him down from the counter.

“Make my tea, please,” he winks, wanting to see Yama smile and after a second, it works.

Yama makes their tea while Tsukki leaves the kitchen and moves for the bathroom.

He needs to cool down. He splashes water on his face and takes too many deep breaths. His hand rolls over his obvious erection in the attempt to calm his cock but it’s hard, the image of Yama in the kitchen flexing his arms swimming over his eyes.

After a few minutes, he’s better so he leaves the bathroom and the lights are off. Yama lays in the bed. Tsukki’s tea is sitting on the bedside table on Tsukki’s side.

He smiles and walks to the bed, slipping beneath the covers and Yama is the first one to advance closer. He nestles into Tsukki’s chest, smelling sweetly of apples and Tsukki inhales him until his lungs feel full.

He kisses the top of Yama’s head as his arms wrap around Yama’s waist. “Goodnight, Tadashi.”

He closes his eyes as Yama nestles closer, never close enough. “Goodnight, Tsukki.”

He falls asleep not long after, happier than he’s felt in a very long time.

* * *

 

**FIVE**

**2014**

 

Tsukki, Yama, Suga, Asahi, Noya, Tooru, Hajime, Kenma and Kuroo all stand on the bleachers at the military base, watching as Daichi is officially sworn into the United States Marine Corps.

Suga is...stale, solid and sickeningly white, his finger no longer sporting the gold ring Daichi had given him that night at the restaurant. Tooru is beside him, rubbing Suga’s shoulders as he cries dryly, as if he’s simply going through the motions of what it means to be alive and Kuroo, Kuroo is _steaming_ , staring at his feet as he refuses to watch the ceremony.

Yama stands beside Tsukki and he can tell that Yama is crying, not hard but he’s crying nonetheless. Tsukki squeezes Yama’s hand as the guns go off and the ceremony finishes and as soon as it’s over, Suga is on his feet and rushing away.

Tooru calls after him, running to chase after his best friend.

Hajime moves to follow them but Kuroo stops him. “No, just...no.”

“We should go down there,” whispers Asahi.

“We should,” response Kenma.

No one moves.

“I feel sick,” slurs Kuroo.

“I don’t feel anything,” says Hajime. Tsukki feels something, he feels his stomach turning, his blood heating beneath his skin. “We don’t even know where they’re shipping him off too.”

“I can’t think about,” whispers Asahi.

“Suga is...God, what happens now?” asks Hinata.

Tsukki is the one to answer. “He’ll be okay.”

“Will he?” asks Kuroo.

Kenma hugs his boyfriend. “Kur, Suga is strong.”

No one argues with that.

“Tooru is pissed,” breathes Hajime.

Kuroo scoffs. “I can’t blame him.”

Kenma jumps in. “Daichi isn't doing anything wrong. He has to live his life.”

“No, but he did it the wrong way.”

Yama just sighs and deflates back into his seat. “I still can’t believe this is happening.”

“He never… _ever_ spoke about doing this,” mumbles Hajime.

“Why would he…”

Noya doesn’t have to finish his sentence, they all know what he means.

The proposal, Suga….the apartment they were going to get together.

Asahi answers for him as he hugs his husband closer. “I don’t  know, baby. I don’t know”

Tsukki watches Daichi on the field, his shoulders hung and his hat held in his hands as everyone else around him meets up with their families...but not Daichi.

No, he stands alone out there and Tsukki, despite everything, wants to be there for him. Daichi had always had his back, in volleyball, in life, so he squeezes Yama’s hand and kisses his palm.

“I’ll be right back.”

Yama looks to him. “Tsukki?”

“I’ll be back.”

Yama doesn’t push anymore. He only nods.

Tsukki makes his way down to the field where Daichi now scans the stands, looking for Suga, no doubt, and once Tsukki reaches him, Daichi has given up. There are tears in his eyes and to his Captain in this way, to see him so utterly defeated, so broken, rips an incurable hole inside of Tsukki.

He grips Daichi’s shoulder. “You always looked good in uniform.” Daichi meets his eyes. “When do you leave?”

Daichi sucks in a breath. “Two weeks.”

Tsukki tries to hold back the fear swimming in his throat. “That’s...very soon.”

Daichi can only nod.

“I’ll keep an eye on him.” Daichi’s composure shatters then, chin dropping as Tsukki watches his hands shake. Tsukki reaches out then and pulls Daichi into his arms, hugging his Captain forcefully. “It’s okay, Daichi. It’s gonna be fine.”

“I’m not...trying to hurt him.”

“I know.”

He stays hidden in Tsukki’s shoulder. “I-I….this is something I need to do.”

“You don’t have to explain to me.”

“I broke his heart, Tsukki.”

Tsukki nods. “He’ll heal.”

“I’ve lost him.”

Tsukki grits his teeth. “I doubt that, Dai.”

They stay silent after that, holding onto each other in the middle of the almost empty field.

The ceremony was over, but this was only the beginning of whatever was next to come.

***

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

Yama and Tsukki stand back, Hinata and Tobio beside them, as Kuroo, Kenma, Tooru, Hajime, Asahi and Noya all stand together in the lobby at the military base with Daichi saying their goodbyes.

Suga isn’t here and if he’s being honest, Tsukki can tell that Tooru isn’t either, who’s mind Tsukki is certain is only thinking of Suga at the moment.

But no matter the hurt they know Daichi has caused, they all knew one thing: Daichi was still family. Joining the Marines, this was an important move for Daichi, an honorable one, a serious step he was making for his life and his future and nobody in the family, no one could ever hate him for that.  

Each of their moments together are emotional and long and Tsukki and the others have no issues crying as they watch the guys interact with each other. No one knew where he was going or how long he would be gone. When would Tsukki see his brother again? When would any of them see him again?

Tsukki pushes the thought away as his mind goes to Yama. what would Tsukki do if he was in Suga’s shoes? Would be see Yama off, could he stomach it? He doesn’t realize it but he finds himself inching closer to Yama, who’s clinging to Tsukki’s hand.

“You okay?”

Yama nods.

“He’ll be fine.”

Tobio is the one to answer. “He better be.”

“He will be,” says Hinata. “He has to be.”

Tobio pulls Hinata against him and kisses his boyfriends head. Tsukki was still trying to get used to the idea of the two dating, not that it bothered him, he just found it so...surprising.

“Suga should be here,” whispers Yama and everyone looks to him. “I know it’s hard but...I think he’ll regret not being here later.”

No one responds to that.

Tsukki holds his hand harder.

Once the guys are all done saying goodbye, Tsukki stands and looks at Dai. He winks over at Tsukki and they two share a smile.

The doors open then and Daichi waves once more before he walks out onto the platform with a group of Marines, Captains, Lieutenants, towards a large Boeing waiting on the tarmac.

They all watch the plane board, watch the engines warm up, watches the plane take off, watch him leave.

Tooru curses as he pushes away from the group. Hajime follows him.

Tsukki’s heart feels heavier than it did ten minutes ago.

Yama pulls him away from the window and he’s grateful.  They all leave the airport without saying a word to each other. Yama and Tsukki leave together, with Hinata and Tobio.

This is the last time any of them see Daichi for another six years.

***

**2015**

They’ve graduated; Hinata, Tobio, Yama and Tsukki. It was a much more important ceremony than the one he remembers back in middle school but this time it was different.

Now, he was with Yama. No, scratch that, he was apart of Yama; a part of his life, his future. He was also a part of a family that he could never expected, a part of a life that he never and as he stands in the crowd, a few rows down from Hinata and Tobio, a few seats in front of Tadashi, he feels content, happy and he prays that Yama does as well.

After the ceremony,  
Tsukki and the rest of the graduates meet up with the rest of the guys, joining them all for dinner, just to be together and celebrate. Suga was just starting in his second year of university now, working towards becoming an art teacher. Kuroo was becoming pretty big in the boxing world, fighting a new match every few might and Tooru was a coach, teaching volleyball at a local high school. Hajime was selling his art at the farmers markets around New York and Kenma was already ankle deep in a design company, creating new video games. Noya and Asahi were travelers, picking up odd jobs here and there, working coffee shops, bars, anything they could get their hands on. Yama was still at his bookshop job, happy with his position of manager and Hinata and Tobio were finding work wherever they could, nothing too serious.

They stay out late, all of them finally free from the ropes of high school and volleyball, all free from their childhood responsibilities. Tsukki would be moving into a new apartment soon, just as Tobio and Hinata had done only a few weeks prior. Their lives were all finally getting started, becoming in-sync. They were growing up and fast and Tsukki knew he had decisions to make, decisions he needed to make before he moved in with Yamaguchi but ever since that talk with Daichi the night he had proposed to Suga....he was terrified of pushing Yamaguchi too far.

Terrified to hurt him.

Terrified to admit what they both already knew to be true.

But he could never find a moment, a moment that for sure felt right and he was beginning to feared no moment would ever be good enough Yamaguchi.

They're walking back to Yamaguchi's apartment that night, still dressed in their gowns in the middle of central park, when he notices that Yama has stopped walking. Tsukki takes a second to process the change, looking over his shoulder to find Yama steps behind him and he quickly rushes to join him.

"Yama?" He doesn't answer and so Tsukki moves closer, brushing his knuckles against Yama's cheeks. "Hey, what's going on-"

"I'm in love with you."

And that's when things seem to move in slow motion for Tsukki. They don't stop altogether but they do slow down, the sound, the wind, the night, the world around them and Tsukishima is floored, his feet glued to the concrete beneath him as he tries to maintain his balance. His heart is biting at him, blood pumping fast as he stares into Yama's wide, glossy eyes.

He knows he needs to speak but does he possibly say when his throat feels as though it's closing in on him. What can he possibly say to the confession that he's been waiting for since he was twelve years old. This man before him wasn't just anyone, this was Yama, _his_ Yama. He had loved this boy for almost a decade, protected him and followed him and watched him grow.

Yama inches closer, leaning to catch Tsukki's eyes. “I know I should, probably say something more than that, something romantic but...I don’t really know how else to say except to just….say it. But...I do, I love you. Very much, I always have and I just couldn’t not say it anymore, not after today, after all we’ve been through. Not saying it has been slowly killing me and I know this could ruin everything but I don’t care because I love you so much and you need to know.”

_Is this really happening? This...can’t be real._

"Please, I need you to say something. Anything."

"I-um..."

He cannot fathom words.

"Tsukki-"

"You ran from me." 

Yama closes his eyes. 

"You ran from me. I wanted to kiss you that day, in the alley, and you ran from me."

"I wasn't ready."

"And I understand that but...how long?" 

"How long?" 

"How long have you loved me?" 

"I told you." 

"No, how long have you wanted to tell me that you love me?" 

Yama sighs. "Always, I guess. but...I needed to do it...my way, you know." 

"Yeah...you're way." 

"The slow way," Yama whispers. There's a longer pause. "Please, say....anything."

How does Yama expect him to speak right now?

" _Oh_...oh, god," whispers Yama Tsukki watches Yama back away from him.

_No. No! No!_

"I-I shouldn't have said anything....I-I, I'm sorry. I'll just...."

Yama pulls his book bag higher on his shoulder as he rushes past Tsukki and thank god for volleyball and the speed it gave him but he reaches out just in time to snatch Yama by the arm and the second he has him, the second they connect, Tsukki's dam shatters.

"I love you. I've always loved you," he blurts and Yama's eyes grow damper. "Tadashi, I've loved you...you, Yama, I am so madly in love with you." He tugs on Yama's arm, holding him closer, brushing back his hair, simply touching. "There's never been a moment that I haven't been in love with you and..."

He stops because he doesn't know where to go from here.

"Please, don't...joke-"

He grabs Yama's face, cupping him between his hands. "I would never," he breathes, leaning down quickly to kiss Yama on the lips and it takes a few seconds for Tsukki to realize what he just did.

The kiss is cosmic, in it's own way. Tsukki had been kissed before, he had kissed, he knew what it felt like but never before did it feel like this; never before was it so hot that his skin felt as if it was melting, never did his eyes burn, did his nerves sing, did his body threaten to stop functioning. Yama is moaning against the kiss, humming that soft, beautiful hum Tsukki was so familiar with and it only deepens the embrace. Yama is tugging at Tsukki's gown, gripping at him desperately and Tsukki leans down to submerge himself in the kiss; the messy clashing of teeth, the slip of their saliva, the rolls of their tongues mending and molding and tasting and fuck, Yama taste so good. He wants to taste all of him, devour him, he wants to do so many beautifully dirty things to this boy that his mind dances with new ideas as his hands explore and absorb.

they stay that way, hastily kissing in the middle of the park until finally, Yama pulls back to breathe and it's only a little but Tsukki is a little grateful...he was about to pass out.

He might still.

Tsukki swallows, their foreheads connected as Tsukki continues to stroke Yama's jaw.

"This isn't a dream, right," he questions under his breath and Yama giggles.

"I really hope not."

Tsukki whistles and kisses Yama's nose.

"You love me."

Tsukki lifts Yama's chin, he needs to see his eyes. "So fucking much."

Yama shivers, combing his fingers through Tsukki's hair. "Take me home, Tsukki."

His lips break apart. " _Home_ ," he repeats.

Yama nods.

It takes them no time at all to make it back to the flat, to the bed. It takes no time at all for Tsukki to glide Yama down gently onto the bed, no time for their clothes to come off, no time at all for Tsukki to start kissing up and down Yama's body. He's addicted already, to the sounds Yama makes as Tsukki kisses him, the erotic whimpers that tumbles from his lips as Tsukki kisses close to his cock. Tsukki is addicted to the insides of Yama's thighs, the soft flesh, the way they flex around Tsukki's back as he nibbles at that delicious flesh and Yama is gorgeous beneath him. His back is arched against each kiss, chest rubbing against Tsukki's and the way their bodies fit together is almost two natural, to easy compared to all the struggles they've faced up until this point.

Yama is very verbal and Tsukki thank the god for it, for the sounds and the rocking and the thrusting that he draws out of Yama with each kiss, with each wiggle of his fingers as he makes his way inside of Yama. Tadashi gasps as the first finger slides inside, wails sensually as the second plunges and by the third finger, both he and Tsukki are already climaxing against each other, whisper long needed _I love you's_ to each other as they fall side by side on the mattress.

Tsukki looks down at Yama, his cock still very much erect and he licks his chapped lips. Yama is crawling over, toppling Tsukki the second their eyes meet, lips crashing once again as Yama leans down and bites at Tsukki's ear.

A long, rustic growl slides for Tsukki. "Fuck, Yama. I-I need-"

"I know, baby," he blows.

Tsukki pushes him up gently, to run his long fingers through Yama's sweaty hair. He kisses Yama's cheek, his nose. "Say it again."

Yama bites his lip and tilts his head. "Say what, exactly?"

Tsukki shakes his head. "You nasty tease."

"You love me."

"Oh, I do." They're serious again. "I love you, Yama. I love you, _I love you_..."

"Tsukki," he whines, bucking his hips against Tsukki's cock and he loses it, flipping Yama over, pulling laughs from both of them as Yama is rolled to his back.

Tsukki rolls over Yama to reach his lip as he aligns himself with Yama's hole.

"Please, tell me if it hurts," he whispers against Yama's lips.

"Just...take it slow?"

"Of course, love," he assures, kissing Yama again right as he slowly and ever so gently pushes deep inside of Yama and the muscles around his cock as he deepens himself inside of Tadashi is... _goddamn_ , enough to make him climax instantly. It's only the attention that he keeps on Yama that steadies him, keeps him from filling Yama until he overflows. They pulse together, throbbing and wailing and kissing, each pound into Yama harder and more intense than the next and they are so in time that before he knows it, Tsukki is climaxing, clinging desperately to Yama and Yama follows, just the same.

Exhausted and shaking, sweaty and cold, they both lean to look at each other and some part of him, far in the back of Tsukki’s mind, is still screaming that this is a dream, that this can’t possibly be happening.

But Yama is there, beneath him, rubbing slow, sensual circles against Tsukki’s chest and he can feel it. He feels each circle, each kiss Yama plants against his cheek and he knows then, as he falls to lay beside Yama on the bed that this is the furthest thing from a dream.

This is his new reality and it’s the best one he could ever imagine.

Yama nuzzles their noses together after catching his breath. “Took you long enough,” he whispers.

Tsukki kisses his words away. “You’re a pain.”

“You love me.”

He does.

“I do.”

They fall asleep entwined and smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies!
> 
> Oh my god, I'm sorry I've been gone so long! 
> 
> But I finally had a moment to write this last part and this is it, this story is done and I hope you guys enjoyed it! I'm trying not to make them too long just because I am wanting to write separate parts for all of them (most of them) so I'm sorry they're maybe not as long as expected! 
> 
> The last section in this ends right where Protect Me and I Protect You leaves off, just so it's clear! 
> 
> I love you guys and thank you for supporting this story so much. It means the world, you're all awesome. <3

**ONE YEAR AFTER GRADUATION**

 

“I got the job!” 

Yama is sitting on the tattered couch, going over a paper for his publishing class, when Tsukki storms in, tossing his briefcase onto the chair by the door. Yama is on his feet in seconds, cheering and jumping into Tsukki’s arms. 

You got it?” 

“I got it! I’m head of the bar staff too! And the guy said that if it goes well, he might look at me for a manager position later on!” 

“M-Manager? Already?” 

“Well, my resume, you now?” 

“No, no! It’s good! This is good, Tsukki! You’ll finally get your hands on some actual bar work!” 

“I know, I can’t believe it,” he says as he lifts Yama off his feet into a large, much needed hug. Tsukki kisses Yama;’s neck and he can’t help but laugh from the tickle of Kei’s hair against his skin. 

They fall backwards, onto the couch, onto Yama’s books and notebooks and both boys laugh as they continue to kiss, the embrace growing darker and intimate with each repeated kiss and Yama moans as Kei palms his cock. His head rolls back as Tsukki kisses his neck. 

“I missed you today,” Tsukki whispers against Yama’s begging, wet lips. 

“It’s only been-  _ ah _ \- a few hours, baby,” he whimpers as Tsukki continues to work at Yama’s cock with his large, warm hand. 

“Too long,” he mumbles between kisses and Yama melts into the reaction his body gives at Tsukki’s touch. 

His body loves Tsukki just as much as his heart does, and with each kiss and with each pump if his palm around his dick, Yama succumbs to those intense, uncontrollable feelings, bucking his hips into Tsukki’s hand and his boyfriend moans. 

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he whispers against Yama’s neck. 

“For you,” breathes Yama. “Only, always for you…”

“Fucking Christ,” Tsukki hisses as he flips Yama onto his back, working his way down, down until his mouth is coiled around Yama’s dripping cock. 

His lips know how to to pleasure Yama now, for they have practiced and explored and loved and learned with each other over the past year and a half. Their bodies know each other so well. They know what they crave, what makes the other twitch with pleasure and Tsukki, god, Tsukki is a god in bed; a god made to make love to Yama. 

This he was absolutely sure of. 

After they move to the bed and make love for what Yama can only assume to be hours, Tsukki falls beside Yama panting, continuing to kiss up and down Yama’s neck. 

“I didn’t ask about your day,” he whispers. 

Yama giggles. “Hmm, well, it just got dramatically better, love,” he kisses back. 

“Better?” 

“Hm, it’s nothing. This publishing class is just kicking my ass.” 

“Don’t worry,” Tsukki says, combing back Yama’s sweaty hair, “you’ll beat it. You always do.” 

“You have too much faith in my abilities.” 

“You have too little.” 

Tsukki rolls onto his back, pulling Yama into his side, their skin kissing as they cuddle close. Tsukki sighs. 

“I’m gonna buy you a house one day.” 

Yama looks up at him, kissing his chest. “Where did that come from?” 

“Look at this place. This was never...supposed to be permanent.” 

“I don’t expect it to be, Kei, but I’m also not in a rush. I love our small, little simple life.” 

Tsukki kisses Yama’s forehead. “Which is why I love you.” 

Yama closes his eyes and remembers back to that night in the park, when he confessed, the same night that his entire life changed. 

“I love when you say that.” 

“What, that I love you?” 

Yama only nods. 

“Oh, I can say it again?” 

“Can you?” 

“Yeah, oh yeah. No problem. I fuckign love you.” 

“Aww, really?” 

“Uh huh. Like a lot.”

“Oh god, okay, this is too cheesy,” laughs Yama and Tsukki crawls over him, kissing Yama’s bare chest. 

“What? Too much?” 

“Tsukki, stop,” laughs Yama.

“No, I love you.”

“Stop!” he whines as Tsukki tcikles him, kissing into his neck.

“I can’t stop. It’s an illness. I’m infected.” 

“Tsukki, no!” 

“Say you love me and I’ll stop, deal?” 

“Tsukki-”he bellows. 

“Say it, dammit!” 

“I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! There, happy?” he giggles and Tsukki does stop, dipping down to rub his nose against Yamas.

“Yes. I am very happy.” 

Tsukki falls against the bed. 

“So happy.” 

_ God, so am I. _

***

**THREE YEARS LATER**

 

The sounds of the city are loud around him as Tsukki keeps his hands plastered over Yama’s eyes. He can’t stop laughing and the sound of Tsukki shushing him each time only makes him laugh harder as he’s blinding led down the sidewalk towards...god knows where. 

“Can you at least give me a hint?”

“Nope,” replies Tsukki, all too quickly. 

“Why didn’t you use one of my ties as a blindfold or something? Isn’t this just more work, babe?” 

“And miss out on the chance to touch you? No thanks,” he slurs in Yama’s ear and it sends wisps of cold chills washing down his back and Yama leans his head on Tsukki’s shoulder. 

“You’re gonna be death of me.” 

“You’ve been saying that to me for four years and look, you’re still very much alive.” 

“Hmm, I could beg a differ.”

Tsukki kisses Yama’s cheek and drags him to a stop. 

All Yama can smell is street side hot dogs and wood, old wood and he scrunches his nose. “Tsukki, have you taken me to a lumber yard? Where the hell are we?”

“I’m gonna take my hands away, so I need you to keep your eyes closed and cover them when I pull away, okay?” 

“Tsukki-”

“Please, humor me, love. Please!” 

Yama chuckles. “Alright, alright but hurry please, I have to be at work soon, yeah?” 

“Yes, I know, Mr. Editor. Calm down.” 

Yama only sighs and closes his eyes. Tsukki asks if they’re really closed and Yama comically slaps him. He covers his own eyes and waits until he feels Tsukki’s hands come back to his shoulders. 

“Okay, careful now, walk forwards.” 

“Kei, I swear if you make me run into something-”

“Why I’d never!” 

Yama shakes his head and trusts his boyfriend as he takes a step forward, and then another until it equals up to about five large steps and finally, Tsukki is dragging him to a stop. He can no longer smell hotdogs or hear the loud clammer of taxi horns; he’s engulfed by silence and he takes a moment to bask in the quiet before he finally asks Tsukki if he can open his eyes. 

“Not yet.” Yama grunts. “Humor me!” 

“I have been, but Tsukki-”

“Remember how upset you were when I started picking up extra shifts at the bar two years ago?” 

Yama remembers, remembers the late nights and the fights and the loneliness that always hung over him whenever he was away from Tsukki. 

Yama sighs. “Yes, of course.” 

“And remember how you were even more mad when I became manager last year?”

“Tsukki, I wasn’t mad-”

“And remember how I told you it was all going to pay off?” 

Yama hesitates. “Yes?” 

“Okay, just….keep remembering that, okay?” 

“Tsukki?” 

He feels a kiss on his cheek. He bites his lip.

“Open your eyes, Yams.” 

And he does and when he does, he’s standing in the middle of a large, empty bar, held together with old wood and rusted, steampunk styled pipes and retro booths. There’s a staircase in front of him and at his back lines a long, metal bar, with shelves backed by bright red lights and glass. Yama’s lips hang apart as he takes it all in, and just as Tsukki told him to, he thinks of the pictures he can see Tsukki drawing on their beat up kitchen table, all the late night sketches and shitty crayon drawings he had spent hours fantasizing about and he can only stare and gawk and examine before he turns back to Tsukki, who’s coiled into himself as he watches Yama anxiously. 

Yama looks around one more time before coming back to Tsukki, who’s nervous smile fades to  a nervous scowl. 

“Oh god, you’re angry.” 

“Tsukki-”

“-Please, don’t hate me. I didn’t wanna say anything until I knew it was finalized and finished and after I signed the papers-”

“-Tsukki-”

“-But I couldn’t wait any longer! I signed the papers this morning, I got the title to the building, put down the deposit, all of it, and I just….couldn’t wait anymore. You’re the only thing I could think about all morning, I needed to tell you-”

“Kei!” 

Tsukki stops. He bites at his knuckles. 

“Did you buy this bar?”

Tsukki’s smile falls. “Yes.” 

“Yes,” Yama repeats, fighting the smile and tears biting at him as he stares at his... indescribably incredible, hard working boyfriend. 

He takes a step forward and reaches for Tsukki’s hand. “You own this bar?” 

Tsukki looks down at him and smiles, very softly. 

“I do.” 

Yama tilts his head and bites harder at his lip, resting his palm against Tsukki’s cheek, who leans into the touch and sighs as he closes his eyes. “I’m so proud of you.” 

Tsukki opens his eyes. “You are?” 

“Tsukki, of course-”

“I thought you’d be mad.” 

“Baby, how could I be mad? Yeah, I kinda wish you would have told me about this major financial purchase but,” Yama moves closer, stepping onto his tiptoes to plant a quick kiss to Tsukki’s lips. “You amaze me.” 

“Yama…”

“You’ve wanted this for such a long time, for as long as I’ve known you. You’ve worked so hard, for everything in life, you’ve worked hard for our life. Kei, I could never be anything but happy for you.” 

Tsukki is the one to push closer now, resting his forehead against Yama’s. “How did I get so fucking lucky,” he breathes against Yama’s skin and it’s not long before Yama reaches up to pull their lips together, carding his fingers through Tsukki’s hair as they kiss in the middle of the bar- no,  _ their _ bar. 

Tsukki’s bar. 

He pulls away smiling, kissing both of Tsukki’s cheeks while still staying tied close together, arms wrapped around each others waists. Tsukki opens his eyes and kisses Yama’s nose. 

“I’m...not quite finished, by the way.”

Yama squints. “Finished?” 

“Well, this is a surprise, Yama,” he says, tugging at Yama’s hand before bringing it to his lips, kissing his palm slow, and then dragging him toward the staircase. 

Yama follows after Tsukki like a child, giggling and stumbling over his own feet as they trek up the slim staircase. But once they reach the top and turn into the hallway, Yama’s smile drops at he takes in the handmade banner on the front door:

 

**WELCOME HOME.**

 

Written in red and black sharpie, Yama can feel his chest tightening. He looks to Tsukki. “What is this?”

Tsukki smiles and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a long, wooden box, handing it to Yama. again, as if a small on christmas morning, Yama giggles as he takes the box, opening the lid to reveal a long golden key. 

Yama stares at it blankly, incredibly confused before he looks up to aim his stare at Tsukki. But when he does, the door is already open and Tsukki is standing inside of the large, open room just beyond the door and Yama is...even more confused. 

Inside, lined in string and christmas lights, are what look like pre-mapped out rooms, the string poled down with large tacs in all different spots around the room. 

Yama looks around while Tsukki stands inside silently. 

He looks to the rectangled string box to his right, where inside on a piece of paper it reads: Yama’s office. To his left, is another box that reads: Tsukki’s office. Yama, with his hands covering his tears and his agape mouth, walks more into the room past Tsukki, towards the corner by a large bay window that looks over the street outside the bar, where another piece of paper reads: King sized bed. Behind him, across from the corner where the predicted bed would sit, is a kitchen (Stove, fridge and sink already installed), with a note on the floor in front of the fridge that reads: future spot of great handmade dinners, and Yama smiles. He looks over his shoulder to see a small door, where another note thangs that reads: home to future bathroom sex and he smiles as he shakes his head and looks back at Tsukki. 

Tsukki is standing in the same spot, silently watching Yama walk around but once their eyes meet, he walks closer and takes both of Yama’s hands. “In the bathroom, is a giant tub, because I know that’s sort of a necessity for you and in the kitchen, I can build an island, for more counter space since you’re addicted to baking. I know it’s a studio but we can hang up curtains, so that you can have your space, for your office, or I can have a wall put up!” Tsukki pulls away and then walks towards the large, empty wall behind them. “And here, I would build you a bookshelf, a huge bookshelf that touches the ceiling!” Yama feels his tears growing thicker. “Also,” he says, running back to Yama and dragging him into the square box where their bed would be, “Look up,” he whispers. 

He does, only to find a beautiful, open skylight. Yama looks back to Tsukki. “A skylight.” 

“You’ve always wanted one.” 

“I have,” he whispers. 

Tsukki grabs Yama’s chin and draws their eyes together. “This isn’t set in stone, okay? I can always just make this a second story for the bar but...god, it’s so perfect, Yams. The skylight, the bar. We would only have to pay rent on one building this way, we can finally get out of that crappy apartment, it would save money, you know? But I also understand that living right above a bar might be-”

“ _ Yes _ .” 

Tsukki stops and stares deep into Yama’s wide, damp eyes. “Y-Yes?” he repeats, wiping at Yama’s tears.   
Yama sniffles, turning into Tsukki. “You bought me a house.” 

Tsukki sighs. “I wish-”

“You bought me,” he spits sharply, “a house.” 

Now Tsukki is also crying. “I told you I would. One day.”

“And you did.”

“I didn’t-”

“ _ You did _ . This is....perfect. Tsukki, you’re perfect.” 

Tsukki licks his lips and cups Yama’s cheeks. “Everything I am, everything I’ve ever done or accomplished or dreamed for, has been because you have always been right by my side, cheering me on. Without you, I don’t even know where I would be, Tadashi,” he breathes and Yama cries a little harder. “I love you so fucking much.” 

Yama sniffles again and looks around. He looks where the bed would be then turns back to Tsukki. 

“When do we move in?” 

Tsukki only smiles and shakes his head, lifting Yama off his feet as they spin in circles, laughing, kissing, falling more and more in love with each spin and in his head, Yamaguchi thanks Yuri Christian for cuffing him to the playground that day in the park. 

Tsukki sets Yama back to his feet and kisses him deeper, Yama licking into the kiss before he pulls back and smiles up at Tsukki. 

“So, what did you name the bar?” 

Tsukki grins. “Crow bar.” 

Yama smiles. “Perfect,” he says into the kiss. “Perfect.” 

***

**PRESENT**

**THE NIGHT YAMA IS TAKEN**

 

Yama is awake and screaming as a sharp burning snakes its way up his arm, into his bones, into his spine, down both legs as he’s awoke to the view of Wakatoshi driving a knife deep into his arm, right at the base of his wrist, and the sound Yama bellows is enough to shatter stone. 

"NO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Suga yells from somewhere in the room and Yama tries to keep his focus on his voice as the blade digs deeper into his flesh.

Yama watches then as Suga storms for Ushijima, who charges right back at Suga, pushing him on the ground. 

Yama screams as he watches Suga crash to the floor, panting from where he's tied to the chair. Ushijima grabs Suga's face between his meaty fingers and forces Suga to look at him, Yama hissing as he watches Suga squirm within his ex’s hold. Ushijima eyes wash over Suga's face before he moans and leans down, kissing Suga forcefully, his lips chapped and tasting of blood and Yama has to look away, screaming for Suga as he does. When Yama looks back, he can see that Suga has his lips locked and tight beneath the embrace and for that, Waka slaps him, hard enough for Suga's vision to blur. 

Yama screams. "Get off of him!" 

"Quiet!" barks Waka before he moves to kiss Suga Again. 

This kiss doesn't last as long because Waka pulls away moaning and...crying. "You taste like him...that fucking Marine," he coo's fingers running up and down Suga's face. 

Yama shivers, staring at the blood pouring from his arm. 

He’s light-headed.

"Good," Suga spits and again, Wakatoshi slaps him, Yama protesting from his place in the chair. 

"Tell that bitch behind us to shut his mouth before I cut it from his face!" Ushijima yells as he slams his fists into the side of his own head over and over and over again. 

"I'm okay, Yama! I'm okay!" 

Yama doesn’t believe him.

"Where's the girl, Suga?" Wakatoshi interrupts. 

Suga shakes his while Ushijima nods his. "Don't you touch her, don't-" 

This time, Wakatoshi’s slap is a punch straight into Suga's jaw and blood leaks from his lip. 

Yama cries now, kicking his feet as he mumbles Suga's name repeatedly. 

"Don't make me hurt you anymore, Koushi."

"WHERE IS SHE!?" 

"SHE'S GONE! I SENT HER AWAY!" 

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU," he screams and the punches come in waves after that, each on harder than the next and it doesn’t take long for Yama to known that Suga is unconscious beneath the beast seated on top of him.

“SUGA! SUGA, DAMMIT, NO!” 

Yama screaming his name, bellowing into the air, begging for anyone to help Suga, who lays unconscious, blood slipping from his lips, his jaw, his nose, his ears and Yama can do nothing but watch. 

He growls, cringing from the sound of each punch and finally, he doesn't care what happens to him, he doesn't care about the blood dripping from the large hole in his wrist. 

NO, he only cares if suga lives or not so he begs for Wakatoshi to stop.

"PLEASE, STOP THIS! STOP HURTING HIM!" Ushijima does not stop. "PLEASE, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HIM!" 

Ushijima leaps to his feet at that and storms toward Yama. 

He grabs the back of the small chair Yama is tied into and holds it back, almost dropping him onto the floor. Yama yelps. "I do love him! This is why I-I can't...I can't let him go! I can't let him be with that filthy Marine!" 

"This is not loving him, this is killing him you sick fuck!" he spits, spit literally flying into Ushijima’s face and suddenly, the chair is tossed back and Yama yells as he crashes hard to floor.

The back of his skull crashes into the tiles and his entire being vibrates as he rattles his head and tries to clear he stars dancing over his eyes. 

He tries to shimmy in the chair, to see where Wakatoshi is. 

He finds him kneeling over Suga again. 

"I do love you, Koushi." He says, kissing the side of Suga's bloody cheek passionately. "That's why no one else can love you. And why you can love no on else," he says as Yama watches Ushijima stab the knife into Suga's left shoulder. Suga's eyes snap open as he gasps and yells and pants and then...Suga stills and Yama is bellowing, lungs cracking inside of his throat as Ushijima stands up, leaving the knife plunged in Suga's shoulder. 

There is so much blood, drowning Suga's white button down in crimson and Yama can only cry and struggle beneath the yarn that ties him down. 

“NO! SUGA, NO, NO! gOD, NO, YOU SON OF A BITCH,” he cries, slamming his head on the ground. 

Ushijima finally stands and steps over Suga and looks back at Yama. "After I kill the girl, I kill you." He walks to leave but stops once more. "Then I kill your boyfriend." 

***

"YAMA!" 

_ Thank god. Thank you, god.  _

Yama watches gratefully as Tsukki rushes past Hajime as they enter the room, to where Yama is tied to a chair on the floor. He's squirming and bleeding from his head, the hole in his arm and Yama knows he should care more but Suga isn't moving, skin cold and thin and he can’t hear Tsukki as he begs Yama to stay still. 

"You're hurt, please, stop moving!" he yells. 

Yama ignore him. "Is he breathing?" Yama begs. "Hajime, is he alive?!" 

He watches Hajime press his fingers to Suga’s neck. 

Hajime cries harder. "Suga, do not do this to me, don't do this, wake up," he whispers, hands shaking as he feels for a pulse. "DAICHI! KUROO!" Haj pauses, stroking Koushi's face. "WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!" 

Tsukki continues to work at the yarn, ripping at it with his teeth. “You’re bleeding,” he mumbles between bites. “You’re...bleeding.”

“I’m fine. Get me to Suga.” 

“You’re bleeding, you’re bleeding.” 

Yama finally stops and bites at his lip. “Tsukki, baby…” Tsukki finally looks him in the eyes. “Get me to Suga. I’m okay, get me out of this chair.” 

Tsukki nods. 

Yama is out of the chair within seconds, crawling at Suga's side. He grabs the knife and tugs on it.Suga doesn't move. 

_ He can't die.  _

He needs to pull the knife out. He’s not a doctor. He can’t do this.

"You can't die. You're better now," Hajime repeats, leaning down and resting his head on Suga's forehead. "You can't leave me, you can't leave us, Suga. You can't, you can't-" he cries and Tsukki grab his shoulder. 

"The ambulance is on its way, he'll-" 

He's interrupted by Kuroo and Daichi and Anya storming into the room. 

Anya screams and hides her face in Kuroo's neck

Daichi is holding Ushijima, two bullet holes shot through his leg. 

"Son of a bitch," Haj hisses as he looks up and charges at Ushijima, punching him square in the face. 

Yama screams and Tsukki covers Yama with his body. 

“Yama?" he hears Daichi ask but Yama is on the floor beside Suga, who is bleeding and hurt and Yama can only watch next as Kuroo loses it. 

He hands Anya to Hajime, who holds the small girl against him, as he lunges at Ushijima, tackling him to the floor. He punches and punches and punches and punches. His skin breaks. He punches again. His eyes are bulged and spit drips from his mouth into Ushijima's eyes. 

The bastards face is barely recognizable and Yama knows that's way Kuroo likes it. 

Then Daichi is on the floor beside Suga, hauling Suga against him, minding the knife plunged deep into his chest. He strokes Suga's cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into Suga's hair, rocking back and forth and Yama cries harder, leaning against Tsukki who’s stroking his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you, Sug," he cries, kissing Suga's cheek. "I love you, I love you. Come back to me, come back to me, please," he begs and he can hear all of his friends around him sobbing. 

Yama hears the siren. 

Daichi's face falls cold then as he gently lays Suga back on the floor. 

He stands and cocks the gun. 

Daichi stands over Ushijima.  

Tsukki stands at his side, Yama reaching to grab for him. He mumbles Tsukki’s name.

And then Daichi speaks:

"If he dies, you will die. But for now, for all that you have down....this will do," Daichi says as he then shoots Ushijima's in his shoulder; the same shoulder where his knife now rests in Suga.

He hands the gun to Tsukki. 

“Tsukki no-”

Tsukki cocks the gun. "This is for Yama," he whispers, blaring off two more shots in Ushijima's other leg. 

Three shots and everyone gasps and screams. 

Yama screams.

The sirens get louder. 

Daichi falls to the ground and moves for Suga. 

He holds him until the ambulance arrives. 

***

**PRESENT**

Tsukki and Yama leave the hospital that night first, after saying goodnight to every, to Suga, who needed his time alone with Daichi tonight more than anything. Yama uses Tsukki as support as they walk and Yama can tell that his boyfriend is happy to help. 

They walk to the corner to signal for a cab. 

Yama is quiet. 

So is Tsukki. 

But Suga is okay and Ushijima is going to jail (HOPEFULLY PRISON) and they both know this silence is okay for now. Yama reaches for Tsukki’s hand. Tsukki looks over at him and smiles, leaning to kiss Yama’s temple. 

“It’s okay.” 

Tsukki leans to catch his eye. “What, love?” 

“We don’t need to have kids, to be happy. We’re already happy.” 

Tsukki sighs. “Yams-”

“I do wanna travel,” he whispers, staring blankly ahead of him. “I forgot how badly I wanted to travel as a kid.” 

“That was all you talked about.” 

Yama chuckles. “Yeah.” He turns and faces Tsukki. “I wanna go to Hawaii.” 

Tsukki’s eyebrows raise. “What? Now?” he jokes. 

Yama nods. 

“ _ Now _ ...you’re serious? Yama, you’re injured, you were just-”

“I love you and I wanna go places with you and I could have died tonight but I didn’t and now I’m standing here, with you, and all I wanna do is go to Hawaii. I wanna see Pearl Harbor. I wanna see the beach. I wanna travel with you because I love you and I could have never said that to you ever again and I never want to spend another minute away from you because I know what it feels like to maybe experience what losing you could feel like-”

“Tadashi, hey,” Tsukki whispers, cupping Yama’s cheeks as he sheds tears he didn’t realize he was crying. “Hey, hey. Breathe-”

“Let’s go to Hawaii, Tsukki.” 

They both go quiet.

Tsukki smiles. “Hawaii, huh?” 

“Hawaii.”

Tsukki nods. “Okay.” 

“Okay?”

Tsukki turns to the road and whistles, calling a cab. He turns back to Yama, kissing him slow. “Let’s go to Hawaii.” 

“We’re going?” 

Tsukki nods. 

The call a cab. 

They climb inside. 

The go home, pack a bag, leave a note for Daichi, and then climb into the same cab that they called at the hospital. They tell the driver to go to the airport. 

They buy two tickets for Hawaii.

 


End file.
